Dating Rules For Women Calling Men + When to Call Your Man & When Not Too !
Most of us in relationships know that the telephone plays an instrumental role in the dynamic between you and the man you are involved with. We all secretly wish that our guy was one of the few who called often. However, that's not the case with most relationships. Typically though, men just aren't as quick to pick up the phone to call us as we are them. There are a few dating rules for women calling men that will help you understand when to call him, when to not call him and how to make yourself irresistible to him in every way.
The general rule for women calling men is to not do it. Men label women based on how they handle the issue of telephone calls. If you are dating a guy and you two go out and he says he'll call you should never pick up the phone to call him first. Even if a week or two passes, don't give in to the temptation to call him. He may have forgotten to call, he may simply be uninterested or he may be testing you to see how long it will take until you pick up the phone to call him. Therefore, it's essential that you leave that move up to him. If he wants you he'll call you. It's as simple as that.
Once you two are involved the rules for women calling men are a little different. Men in relationships will also often neglect their women when it comes to phone calls. They are more apt to believe they'll be forgiven for not calling once you two are seriously dating. If you always forgive him for not calling when he says he will or if you pick up the slack by being the one doing the calling, he'll never make those calls himself. If he says he'll call you at a specific time to make plans to get together and the phone never rings, make other plans. Don't sit idly by waiting for him to call you. When he does eventually call you wait a bit until you return his call. You want him to feel that your life doesn't revolve around him. If a man senses that about the woman he's involved with he's more likely to view her as desperate which is never healthy for a relationship. You need to always remember that men and women view phone calls, emails and text in very different ways. If you make the mistake of calling too frequently, at the wrong time or before he's ready to hear from you, you can actually turn him off. Women unwittingly ruin their chances of a future with a man because they are too over eager to hear from him. Don't let this happen to you.
You may think that there's no consequence when you pick up the phone to call the man in your life, but there is. Men pay close attention to when women call them and they'll make assumptions about you based on that.
The Rules for Calling Your Man
Let’s face it – the issue of calling men isn’t an easy one to sort through. This part of the dating puzzle is something of a mystery to most of us. First we’re told to play hard to get and not call him and then we’re told to take the relationship by the reins and always call him. The fact of the matter is – phone calls can make or break a relationship. How you handle this issue can be the difference between him falling completely in love with you or breaking up with you. It’s that important!A fulfilling, rewarding relationship is about creating the perfect balance with your guy. That includes all the time you two are spending together in person as well as the time in between – when you text, email or call one another.
How the Men You Date See You
As women, when we’ve got a date lined up with a man we’re interested in, we want to make a good impression. The first date can be “make it or break it” time. If we come across as too aggressive, he might never want a second date. If we instead sit there passively eating dinner and nodding in agreement to everything he says, he’ll likely find us pretty boring.The same is true with how you handle contact after the date. Your actions speak volumes about how you perceive relationships and what you want in the future from him. Men actually make some pretty strong assumptions about a woman based on how she acts in the days and weeks following a date.
When you call a man first after each and every date, he’ll begin to wonder if you’re too emotionally available. Always initiating contact suggests that you are becoming too dependent on him and that you need reassurance that he’s right where you want him – interested.
A much better approach is to not call. Wait for him to call you. He may not call immediately but if he’s interested, he will. He’ll wonder why you aren’t chasing him down like other women have. Remember that men love a chase, so let him be the hunter.
Top 10: Secret Dating Rules For Women And Men This Is Very Important Rules !
For as long as there have been men and women, there's been dating and dating rituals. Being the sly hunters we are, men have built up a reservoir of knowledge and cunning over the millennia on how to successfully woo the ladies over the first few weeks of a courtship.
There are many fish in the sea, and there are many baiting procedures you can use to reel them in. And though many women may be aware of some of our strategies, they surely don't know of all of them. Let's keep it that way, gentlemen. Keep these timeless secret dating tips under your hat and enjoy the learning process
Number 10+Wait three days before calling back The idea behind this dating rule of thumb is to make sure that your new squeeze doesn't think you're desperate to see her. And it's become a golden rule because it often works. Many women know the dating game, and want to see if their new man can play it. Prove that you can by keeping it cool, and resisting the urge to follow up on a meeting too promptly. Just make sure not to wait longer than a few days to call back, or she may cool off entirely.
Number 9 +Take her where everyone knows your name Another way to impress your new woman early in the game is to go somewhere where you already have a great reputation. By taking her to one of your usual haunts, you'll get to showcase your smooth self in action among your vast circle of acquaintances. Whether it's a simple greeting from a DJ at the club or a restaurant manager who hooks you up with the best table, a display of social clout will definitely make an impact on your date. It's a sure-fire way to let her know that she's caught herself a real man.
Number 8 +Resist sleeping with her early on Aside from the fact that withholding yourself will keep her wanting you more, adhering to this rule also shows her that you're a man who isn't ruled by his loins. Don't hold back entirely, though; kiss her passionately as if you were going to have sex, then pull away. Doing so will heighten the sexual tension and will be a huge turn-on for her. And when you finally do decide to do the deed, your patience and self control will end up paying huge dividends in the bedroom.
Number 7 +Limit your spending One of the best ways to know if she's a keeper is to find out how much money she expects you to spend on her. On early dates, take her to places where you don't have to spend much, such as a coffee shop, lounge or boardwalk. This will give you a chance to figure out whether she's all about you... or your wallet. Mind you, don't cheap out completely, or she'll just think you're a bum.
Number 6 +Screen her first few calls While the 10th rule prevents you from appearing too needy, this one allows you to gauge whether or not she's desperate. You want to make sure that you're not getting involved with someone with stalker tendencies. Return her calls one or two days later, so that you keep control of the situation -- but no later than this, or you risk turning her off completely and losing your honey to another bee.
Number 5 +Don't offer her gifts early on Very rarely are you going to recognize a woman as the love of your life within the first few months of dating her. At this point you're still getting to know her, and she most likely hasn't revealed any of those true quirks or characteristics that could put a quick end to your dating. So don't get all goofy and start showering her with expensive gifts.
Number 4 +Be mysterious... but not weird Remember not to volunteer any information about past relationships, your family or your job right away. Your woman will keep you guessing about her, so you need to do the same in return. Maintaining some intrigue keeps the spice in dating. Let her tease information out of you slowly. Make her think that she's "winning" this game, even as you control the flow of information. Just make sure you don't get too creepy about it, or you could end up scaring her off.
Number 3 +Don't flatter her too much While it's true that you will have to do some flattering in your initial flirtations, keep it toned down. The worst thing you can do is lay on the compliments too thick at the beginning. Rather than inflating her head, see if she can enjoy your company and conversation without an accompanying ego massage.
Number 2 +Don't meet her friends -- yet Finding the time to date a new girl is always a challenge, so don't make things more difficult for yourself by agreeing to meet herfriends. as well. Besides exposing yourself to a modern-day inquisition, you risk also giving her the impression that she can invite one or more of her friends to come out with the two of you. Even worse, she may want to double date with her friends and their boyfriends. It's just a bad situation, and you don't want anything to do with it. So keep her friends out of the picture until you feel confident that the relationship is actually heading somewhere.
Number 1 +Don't let her meet your friends -- yet It's a two-way street, and it's always best to keep your new woman away from your good buddies at the start, too. She may not be prepared for their sense of humor, or they may reveal things about you that you'd rather keep her in the dark about. And make no mistake, she will try and get the scoop on you from your friends if she meets them. Don't let it happen.
dating rules to memorize Now that you know all the secret dating rules, get out there and catch some women using your newfound knowledge. Just remember to keep this stuff between the brothers.
Quick Dating Tips + How to Ask Someone Out on a Date
If you like some one you may have to ask them for a date. For men this is standard practise and for women, this process is becoming increasingly common. If you are thinking of asking someone on a date consider the following quick dating tips:
1. Why are you asking them out, is it for the right reasons and what do you expect as a result of them saying yes or no?
2. Be prepared that the person you ask may say no and in which case do not take the rejection personally.
3. When asking someone out choose your moment carefully and practise what you might say in advance so that you don't appear tongue-tied.
4. If the person you ask says yes, ensure you already have thought of a place, date and time for the date so that you display signs of thoughfulness.
5. Be prepared for the person asking why you want to date them so that you are able to flatter and create a sense of trust immediately. People can be wary and they may want to know some reasosn behind your request. Better, anticipate this by saying "would you like to come to dinner, I have always thought you are great fun..".
6. Make sure that your request for a date does not pressurize the person in any way. If they want to think about it, let them. But don't chase.
7. Make sure that when you ask someone on a date you smile and keep things fun and happy. Being confident and smiley will elicit a far more positive response.
8. Always have an alternative date and time or location in mind should the person be unsure of their diary. Giving a person a choice is often a marketing masterstroke.
9. If the person says no, don't chase for a reason, simply move on. They may think about things and get back to you with a yes response later.
10. If you ask someone on a date, make sure that you actually intend to go through with it. Standing people up is not allowed.
11. If you are being asked out don't play games. If you need time to consider the offer then say so. If you want to say no, say no. But do not keep someone hanging on for no reason. You wouldn't like the situation if it was reversed.
12. Try to avoid dutch-courage such as using alcohol to boost your courage levels as this will often backfire.
13. Don't ask someone out when they are in a group of friends. Timing is everything
Dating Basics: Finding a Date +
Figure out what you want in a date and learn how to get it
Finding a date is easy once you know how to do it! We'll give you top tips for creating successful online personal ads, as well as attracting attention in your every day life. Decide what you're looking for in a potential partner, learn how to ask someone out, and find out to behave on a first date (even a blind date!). Our tips will help you find more dates than you ever dreamed of! And because we emphasize thinking about what you want in a date before asking someone out, your dates are much more likely to be successful in the long run!
How to Flirt: Flirting Tips Help You Show Interest
Show others you are interested and available for a relationship!
You're hanging out at a party when, out of nowhere, you suddenly notice someone standing close to you. In fact, you realize he or she keeps turning up nearby, trying to catch your eye. The two of you start talking and your new friend smiles, laughs, finds excuses to touch you and holds your gaze. This person is clearly flirting with you. How do you know? Because, although you may not realize it, you are already an expert in flirting and body language.
What would dating be without flirting? Flirting is fun, it signals that we're interested in someone and it initiates most successful relationships. Flirting means giving someone your full attention; it means smiling, touching and playing. In the right circumstances, it is a powerful tool. In the wrong circumstances, it can lead to embarrassment and be a complete turn off.
For most people, flirting comes naturally. Many forms of flirting are simply outgrowths of the way you behave when you meet someone you really like and are interested in having a romantic relationship with. However, some flirting is more subtle, making it hard to tell whether you're reading something that's not there into an interaction simply because you want the other person to flirt with you.
For these reasons, it's useful to examine some of the key indicators of flirting, which can prove extremely helpful when trying to figure out if the person across the table is interested in you – and help you express your interest in them!
Body Language + Prolonged eye contact + Dilated pupils + Arched eyebrows + Winking + Rapid eye movement and blinking + Stroking or toying with hair + Smiling + Licking of lips + Touching the lips or teeth with tongue + Thrusting chest or breasts outward + Mirroring or copying posture + Crossing legs + Leaning inward + Open-legged posture + Etc.
Other Behavior + Any form of touching + Playing with hands + Fidgeting nervously + Shy avoidance of eye contact + Standing on one leg or shifting weight back and forth + Etc.
Conversation + Laughter + Whispering + Personal questions, especially about relationship status + Singling someone out in a group for conversation and questions + Etc.
However you flirt, keep in mind that flirting should indicate your interest in getting to know someone -- in a polite, respectful and tactful way. Using cheesy pickup lines, being too aggressive, touching inappropriately or being in any way vulgar or rude will get you not only turned down but also probably slapped. Flirting is designed to make the person you're flirting with feel attractive and special, not intimidated.
Once you've established that someone is flirting with you – or your own flirting has gotten a positive response – it's time to start thinking about how to propose a first date. Mutual flirting of the type listed above usually means the other person is interested in getting to know you better. However, be wary of people who are flirtatious, even though they're in committed relationships. Some people either can't help being flirty, have an open relationship or simply don't care whether their partner is hurt by their behavior. While it can be tempting to flirt with this kind of person -- particularly if they're attractive, interesting and initiate the flirting – keep in mind that the point of flirting is to show interest in someone you'd like to get to know better, and people who're already attached to someone else are off limits.
Being confident about your flirting is the best way to make sure it is well-received. Nothing is sexier than confidence – nothing, that is, except someone who knows how to flirt effectively. Now get out there and start smiling!
How to Ask Someone Out: Get the Timing Right
Choosing the right moments is half the battle in getting a date
When dating successfully, getting your timing right is one of the single most important factors. Timing in respect to the best time to ask a girl out, with respect to what night to ask her out first and even with respect to when in your lives you actually meet at all.
Looking back on my life so far I realize that when relationships didn't work out, it wasn't because the girls I dated were wrong for me. Most often it was because we simply met at the wrong time in our lives. To meet a great girl who wants to get married to you when you are 22 years old may just be wrong timing. Meeting a fantastic lady when you are working abroad or on a short contract in a different location may be bad timing. And meeting someone who wants children when you are not yet ready is again bad timing. Sadly, many of these situations can't be helped, because that's how life goes. The people we would have grown old with best are often the ones we encountered to early or at the wrong moment in time. One cannot go back and one cannot rekindle something lost in time, so we have to accept that bad timing does happen with all of us.
Some timing issues have more to do with events and life cicumstances. Like when we ask a girl out at just the wrong moment. We are attracted to someone and take the initiative or opportunity, only to discover that she got into a new relationship hree weeks earlier. Or that she has just broken up with someone and is not yet ready for a new relationship. Maybe there has been a family crisis and the girl you are interested in is not predisposed for a romantic encounter. Three times in my life I have met great girls just as they (or I) were relocating to a new city! On top of this if you add illness and many other factors, there are plenty of opportunities for getting your timing wrong and invariably this is not your fault. Just a fact of life.
If someone accepts your proposal of a date, then you can control the timing somewhat better. Your basic instinct is to go for a weekend because you won't need to go to work the following day and so can stay out later. Often there are more social events to go to at a weekend and more restaurants open and with better atmosphere. Clubs, bars and discos are all far more attractive at a weekend and offer many more possibilities of dating. Yet this may be a good example of bad timing.
When dating you may want to think about the attractiveness of a week night which can work to your benefit. Weekends are often the only real free time people have got and many now plan their weekends well in advance. I do not like being on a strict schedule but again it is a fact of life in the early stages of dating. And I'lladmit that going on a date during the week takes away some of the glamour. Weekdays are fairly dull affairs in comparison and many are taken up with hobbies or commuting. But because they are also far less formal than a weekend, a first date on a weeknight can be seen as far more relaxed and informal.
Also, week day dates are usually not late night affairs, and an unsuccessful date can be gently brought to an end. So dinner after work may be a good thing after all. Also bear in mind that week nights can be dull and so a sparkling evening with you will do you and them no harm at all. In fact you are not competing with some other glamorous event the girl could have attended instead of being with you, so you are far less likely to face that troublesome contrast. Dating midweek also opens up the possibilities of more dates in a shorter amount of time and successful dates can quickly become longer prolonged weekend dates shortly afterwards.
You can do a great deal to help yourself with disappointment when a girl says no to you. Be flexible in your arrangements. Always offer a girl a choice of dates and locations and understand when she has reasons for doing other things. All too often when someone says no you automatically assume you are being given an excuse and that the truth lies elsewhere. You assume too much. Let her know that you are interested in her and that when things are better for her in her diary , that you can make some arrangements. Always stress that you are busy too and this will add to your overall appeal. Remember that you too must never be too available otherwise it comes across that you are uninteresting, or even worse, desperate. We have all heard the fabled excuse "I can't, I'm washing my hair tonight." That could be true.
On the other hand, lame excuses are just that, lame. They are meant to warn you off. And even though persistence may be a good trait, it doesn't often win the girl. The interest factor is at play there and when a woman makes to many lame excuses it shows her interest factor is low. If she was very interested, believe me she will move heaven and earth to meet you. Therefore it is essential that you get your timing right and ask a girl out when there is the greatest chance she will say yes. That does not mean you should prey on her when she is at her lowest ebb. When a girl says no and means it, you will know it. Coming on to her after that and you become a menace so simply move in. It is a numbers game my friend.
If you are in a nightclub, timing again plays its part. Asking a girl to dance when she has just met up with a huge group of friends will receive a negative response even if she likes the look of you. On the other hand, intercepting her at the bar whilst her friend is in the bathroom may well prove perfect. Try reading the signals of the situation in a positive way. Asking a girl to dance at 1am as the club is about to play the last song will usually get you nowhere unless both she and you are desperate. And what basis is that or successful dating?
So, whilst being flexible and semi available, know your subject in advance and work out when she is most likely to be available if possible. If your timing is right, you could easily get lots of positive responses that will lead on to something more special. Not taking timing into account can have the opposite and most disheartening effect.
Understand when a woman has good reason to say no
Be flexible and offer an alternative when asking are you free Thursday or Friday?
Don't fight her excuses if she says no, just move on
Always sound busy yourself
Accept that some people you will meet at the wrong time
Choose a weeknight for the first date
Choose the right moment to apprach a date in a bar of nightclub
Never be scared of asking, the more you ask the more confident you will be
Try not to ask her out in the middle of a big group, choose your moment carefully formaximum effect
Don't get annoyed if she says no - smile!
Try and know as much about your date's circumstances in advance only if she is knownto you already
Work out the best moments to ask someone out
Don't ask her out when she is clearly busy or stressed or unhappy or not well
Top Tips for Finding A Date +
Make going out on dates a part of your regular social routine
"Find a date," your friends say. "Join us for dinner, and bring a date!" This alone is enough to cause many single people to immediately start to panic. The reality is that, if you're looking for dates, you probably just want to find someone special to spend time with, without regard for your pushy friends and their need for additional couples to complete their circle. It's important to think of looking for dates as part of life, part of your everyday routine. You never know -- one of these days it may well turn into something more than just a date.
Finding a date is never easy, but it can be relatively painless, depending on your attitude.
Maybe have a hard time meeting people. Maybe you have a hard time meeting people who are suitable for dating. Maybe you're a single parent with responsibilities at home, or someone who works from home. Perhaps you work strange hours and that's why you never meet anyone to date. Maybe you work with people much younger or older, or perhaps you really don't have finely honed social skills. It could be that you're shy, private, quiet in groups or just unwilling to make the first move.
Whatever the situation, you need to take action! The first thing to do is make sure you exude self confidence. You want to find a date you'll have a great time with, so it helps to make him or her feel special by looking good. Here are some tips on how to accomplish this:
Give yourself a makeover
Buy some new clothes and update your image
Get a new haircut or hairstyle
Get a full beauty treatment and makeover
Visit your dentist and get those teeth pearly white
Get a tan and freshen your skin
Try out the latest styles and fashions
Treat yourself to a rejuvenating vacation or break
Read some new magazines and go shopping
Join a health club and get into a new workout routine
Go on a diet and lose a few pounds, if needed
Take martial arts or self defense classes
Improve your attitude
The next thing you need to do to find a date is think long and hard about what you really want to achieve and what your expectations are. Get clear about what kind of person you're looking for, although don't be too specific. Keeping your aim as broad as you can will make finding a date easier. You also need to be realistic. Don't make it your goal to date a Hollywood movie star if it's not likely to happen. Keep your feet on the ground and take a long, hard look at your own life before walking into someone else's.
Once you've got that part down, here are a few ways to get started:
Dating Close to Home
Begin by looking in your own neighborhood. Is there anyone in your neighborhood or friend group who is single and awesome? Often, people stay single simply because they aren't being asked out by anyone, not because they themselves are lonely. It's time to do the asking. And yes, that includes the good-looking people in this world. There are lots of local clubs and activity centers where singles are likely to congregate. These are often the best place to introduce yourself to people of the opposite sex in your community. Try to choose something that involves both sexes.
Dating at Work
Some sources claim that 87% of couples first met through work or began dating at work. In general, dating at work or dating someone within your own office environment is generally not a good idea due to the possibilities for problems and the negative implications it can have on your career. Relationship tensions within an office can cause issues with other workers and antagonize work-related disputes.
However, the good news is, most organizations also work with other firms. If your office gets together to socialize with business partners or groups of people you don't work with directly, start going to these events. Try going with coworkers to happy hour or attending after-work social events, too, from bowling to trips to bars and comedy clubs. It's as much about making new friends as it is about finding a date.
If you really don't like your coworkers (or don't have any because, for example, you work from home), you'll need to look for other ways to extend your social circle.
That's right, join a gym. To find a date, you should look your best. After all, if you've set your sights high, doesn't your potential date deserve the best, too? Good, so get down to the local health club and look into a regular workout routine. If already do this, expand your horizons and make sure you're not going to a unisex gym. Try other sports and activities -- from yachting to running to baseball to anything else you haven't tried before. You will make fabulous new friends, as well as possibly finding a date, not to mention feeling and looking much better than if you just sat on the couch munching on potato chips.
Ask Your Friends
The most common complaint among people in their late '20s and '30s is that all their friends are married. If this is true for you, it's time to adapt. As awesome as they might be, your married friends probably will not help you find a date. They tell you they'll try, and they probably mean it, but like attracts like, and there's a good chance most of their friends are married, too. In general, you should not look to any friends to help you find a date, though, because your friends don't necessarily know what kind of person you're looking for. The best advice is to take control and find a date yourself.
This is why you need some single friends. Newsflash: Dating is easier if you hang out with other singles who are also playing the dating game. Even if your married friends are your best buddies in the whole wide world, you need support from other people who know what you're going through. Also, there is safety in large groups. This can also open up new places and venues for you to visit and look for potential dates. You will probably see your confidence level jump as well.
You can find new single friends everywhere: at work, in your neighborhood, at clubs, in your gym … You simply need to make some new friends, then join in. It's not nearly as hard as you think. One thing's for sure: Neither your fantastic new friends, nor your super hot new girlfriend or boyfriend is hiding out in your closet. If you sit at home, you will not find them -- you have to go out and put yourself out there in order to do it. In fact, get started right now. When was the last time you called up your old friends to catch up? Do it now.
Join a Club
Activities really do bring people together and help you make new friends. If you're involved in something like a craft, hobby or sport, then you've already taken the first step toward hanging out with (and possibly dating) like-minded individuals. You have something in common, and it's a great icebreaker. If you're not a member of any club, figure out what you're interested in and decide whether joining a group of some sort centered around this activity might introduce you to others. (Hint: It will!) Always remember: Statistically, there is a good chance that many people just like you are also looking for dates and are joining clubs like these for this very same reason.
Signing up for a Dating Agency
Dating agencies were once associated with embarrassing social stigmas, but not anymore. These days, it's extremely trendy to use an agency to find dates. Dating and finding a date is fun and enjoyable. After all, dating is really just about meeting new people and searching for a special connection. Dating agencies fall into two categories: traditional and Web-based. The first are those traditional dating agencies that help you find a date but charge hundreds of dollars to offer you the chance to meet a few people in their database they have matched you with. They then offer you the chance to meet, if both parties are interested. It's slow and long-winded, but it can work sometimes, although rarely are there guarantees of any kind. The main thing about such dating agencies is that they often specialize in a certain area -- maybe profession or financial, etc. Some may concentrate on the medical or legal profession; others may focus on, say, executives in a certain region.
Internet Dating Sites
The second kind of agency is the professional Internet dating and friendship sites accessible from your home computer. Most often, they are free to sign up for, so you can set up a profile and see who's in their database to find out if you're interested in that kind of people. The beauty of Internet dating is that it makes everyone on any given site instantly accessible, and you can search for people you match with in comfort of your own home without spending a dime. Sniff around, check out people's pics and profiles and take your time finding a date.
It's super important when you're looking for a date to choose a reputable Internet dating site that will provide you with not only personal ads but also a safe and secure environment, as well as advice and articles to help you get ahead. These sites let you communicate anonymously with your matches when you're ready to make contact via on-site email, chat rooms and private instant messaging. Some companies even include voicemail services so you can listen to your prospective date's voice before meeting them.
After paying a small fee, you can communicate with as many members as you like, safely and securely -- and, very soon, you may find that you have arranged not just one but many dates. It's up to you. No more standing in singles bars, being hit on by obnoxious strangers or brainstorming opening lines -- just convenient and relaxed dating, whenever you want!
If you're looking for dates, you should start immediately. It's not always easy to take a step like this if you've been out of the dating arena for years. Think through these tips on meeting dates and start taking initiative. Life is meant for living, but even more importantly, it's meant for sharing with someone special. Start focusing on finding a date, but more importantly, focus on feeling good about yourself and the rest will follow.
Safe Dating Tips for Single Women and Men
How to protect yourself while remaining open to love
Online dating is generally extremely safe because it is distance dating and lets you get to know your potential matches anonymously before you meet in person. This makes most people feel more comfortable and also allows you to pace yourself and be selective (which you should be).
However, there are still some basic safety rules for online dating you should observe before giving out personal contact information to a relative strangers or arranging to meet them. Even though everything is online, it's still easy to get carried away, so take things slow. These tips may seem obvious, but following them will ensure your safety and make sure you have only good online dating experiences. And you never know: Mr. or Miss Right might be just around the corner!
Always trust your instinct -- after all, it's gotten you this far in life already
Take your time and look at lots of different profiles to get a feel for what kind of person youwant
Never publish your phone number or email address
Don't take anything at face value -- it's easy to lie online, and many people do
Ask lots of questions when chatting with your potential mates
Make sure you feel comfortable with whoever you are chatting with, at all timesIf someoneis abusive or rude, block them immediately
Don't give your home or work address to anyone you have not met in person
Before agreeing to a date, make sure you know as much about the other person as possible
Don't allow yourself to be talked into anything -- you're the one in charge
Take your time to get to know someone -- don't be rushedA patient person will be happy to wait until you are ready to meet
Make sure anyone you're talking to is willing to provide photos and information about himself or herself
Ask your date to leave a message on your voicemail beforehand, if possible
Chat on the phone for a while before arranging a date
Always meet in a well-lit public place
Always tell a good friend where you are going and who you're meeting
If possible, step away and call a friend during the date to confirm that everything is ok
Always carry a cell phone on a date
Schedule lunch dates -- they're convenient and they have a time limit
Always make your own travel arrangements to/from a first date
Do not accept a ride home on the first date or reveal your address
If you're traveling far, always make and confirm your own hotel arrangements
Make sure you have as much information about your date as possible
Keep your first date to a specified time limit so you always have an "exit" point
Never feel like you owe it to someone to meet them -- you don't!
These rules might seem like overkill, but the reality is that you are introducing yourself to complete strangers and should definitely take precautions. Following these and other safe dating strategies will make sure you can relax and enjoy yourself safely and without the fear that someone will take advantage of you.
First Dates: First Date Do's & Dont's
Tips to make your first date go smoothly
First dates can be nerve wracking, and they often render even the most experienced of daters shy, silent and prone to making awkward and embarrassing mistakes that blow the chances of getting a second date even before the initial meeting is over. Here are some pointers to help you put your most attractive foot forward and make a good impression.
1. Do be on time. The last thing you want to do is make a bad impression on your date by being late. Tardiness implies that you don't care. Even worse, the person you're meeting may not hang around to wait for you to turn up.
2. Do make your partner feel comfortable. We're all a bit on edge during a first date with someone. Trying to put your partner at ease and get him or her to relax will also help you stay calm and enjoy yourself.
3. Do be an interesting date. The worst thing you can do is show up for a date with someone and then sit there all night and talk about nothing -- or, even worse, stay so silent that they might as well have eaten dinner alone. Don't make yourself easy to forget.
4. Do laugh at their jokes. Even if you've heard the joke 100 times or more (or it just isn't funny at all), laughing along with your date will communicate that you are interested in them.
5. Do keep the conversation alive. That dreaded silence, during which you're both scrambling to come up with something -- anything -- to say, can seem to last for eternity and will make both of you think the other person is boring. Jot down a few questions ahead of time. Practicing for the date can make all the difference.
6. Do take an interest in your date. Listen when he or she is talking. Be interested in what they have to say, and show how interested you are by asking questions about what they like to do, read, eat for dinner, etc.
7. Do go somewhere unique. First dates don't have to be to the movies or to a restaurant for a nice meal. You will make a longer, lasting impression if you get creative.
8. Do be confident. Confidence says a lot about a person. Being more confident will help you get through that first date with ease and let your partner know you're comfortable with who you are.
9. Do be yourself. You won't fool anyone by pretending to be someone you're not. Also, if you're planning to continue seeing this person, the real you will come out eventually, so you might as well start off by introducing them to who you really are, flaws and all.
10. Do stay safe. Take your cell phone with you, plan to drive yourself and let a friend know where you're going, who you'll be with and when you'll be back.
1. Don't be late. First impressions count, and if you're late, this will make your date think you're lazy and didn't care enough to plan ahead.
2. Don't talk about yourself all night. There is nothing worse then a person that loves to talk about herself all the time. How vain can you get?
3. Don't talk about past relationships. Maybe that's how you lost the last one. Nobody wants to hear you drone on about your ex and what she did or didn't do. Concentrate on this new person, and see if you can get to the second date.
4. Don't eat with your mouth open. It's gross. Your date is there to see you, not your food.
5. Don't bombard your date with extremely personal questions. Like you, they probably don't want to reveal too much about themselves just yet. If you like each other and want to continue the relationship after this first meeting, there will be plenty of time to ask questions and delve deeper.
6. Don't try to be someone you're not. So he likes dogs, but you're a cat person. Pretending otherwise will only make the other person feel deceived and turned off when they discover the truth. Find someone who wants you for you, not for who you're pretending to be.
7. Don't forget to thank the other person for the date. This is not only good manners but also gives you a chance to end it, if you're not interested -- or to ask them out on another date, if you are.
8. Don't propose marriage or kids, unless you never want to see that person again.
9. Don't pursue sex after your partner has said no. Period. It's tacky, and it proves you're a jerk.
10. Don't get drunk! As much as drinking copious of alcohol to calm your nerves sounds like a good idea, think about how bad you're going to feel if you miss most of your date because you're in the bathroom revisiting your meal. Additionally, this kind of behavior will show your love interest that you can't control yourself and don’t know your limits. It also isn't safe -- getting drunk and lowering your inhibitions is likely to put you at risk of unwanted advances, and you won't be in the right frame of mind or body to do anything about them.
Physical Attraction: Looks Do Count
Beauty matters in the dating game now more than ever
Don't be fooled by yourself or kind hearted friends. Looks matter in the dating game and never more so that in the media-savvy world we live in today. It maybe be unfair, we may hate it, but it is true. Image is king and speaks volumes about who we are. From the clothes we wear to the places we eat and drink to the places we decide to inhabit, people notice what we do and make judgements as to who we are by how we look.
The very first facet of our self-image is our presentation to others and this is initially portrayed through the way we look. Now I think it's fair to say that most people don't have a fabulous self image. We all know people who love themselves but generally, though we may like ourselves, we don't love everything about us. We may not like our noise, the shape of our face, our hair, the way we get a wrinkle around the eye. Maybe our butt is too big or we could do with losing some weight. But whatever it is, there will always be something that could be bettered. Just look at the way people who have had a lot of cosmetic surgery still manage to complain. Well I am sorry guys, but perfection is somewhat elusive.
The basis of any courtship, date or relationship is basic physical attraction. If you are not attracted to someone and they are not attracted to you, you have just become friends. Whatever happens afterwards, it is likely to stay that way. You both must be physically attracted on some level to make things work. Yes, spiritual attraction, deep respect and friendship all do play a part in the longer term but in the first few minutes of meeting we instantly recognize whether there is an attraction and chemistry present between us.
These basic signals dilate pupils, redden the skin, wet the lips and arouse base human instincts. That desire is to lead to the wish to have sex. The issue is that these signals are being eroded by well-meaning campaigners who say that looks should not matter. I am not really very good looking in my own opinion but I do know what I look like. And I do know who and what I am attracted to. I am sometimes called shallow because I go for a certain look for my dates. But the point is that these looks are what I find attractive and I tend to go for people who go for my kind of looks, thus increasing the chance of dating success.
Initial dates are all about looks, about who and what we find attractive and we are foolish if we try and suppress these desires. If you like someone's hair, eyes, lips, the way they play with their fingers, the way they hold a glass or the way they walk then this is all on purpose. It is all part of the grander plan of matching like with like. By matching couples who are physically attracted, it is nature's way of pairing off. And for the most part it works well. The issue arises where we have trouble finding people who find us attractive.
The first thing that springs to mind is that where physically appealing looks are lacking, so people tend to make up with personality. Some of the sexiest people I have ever met are not physically attractive but they are immensely funny. Comedians are often not the best looking people you have met but are very attractive. This in some way comes from their inner confidence and stage presence. It is often said that men who are not too tall exude character and personality to make up for it. Again this may be true.
The key thing though is that we must not underplay the reality that looks are important when dating. We should try to understand what kind of looks we really are attracted to and what kind of people we appeal to. We should understand how we look to others. If we are unhappy with the way we look then we should take necessary steps to look the best we can. That is not for others but purely for ourselves. In turn this will increase confidence levels and help make us more attractive. People will often say that one should not care about what is outside but what is inside that matters. Its true. That is the way the world should be. But it isn't. That kind of comment comes from those who are secretly worried about the way they look.
Conversely people often say that for them, looks don't matter. That is not true either. Looks never matter when you already the like the look of someone and find them acceptably attractive. Looks only matter when you are not attracted to someone physically. When you are seriously not attracted, then the looks of the other party become an issue even if you won't admit it. By generally meeting people who are attractive to you, you will eventually believe that on a conscious level you don't acknowledge looks. It is true that your view on physical attractiveness changes as you get older and as you mature in outlook. A man of 50 may not be attractive to a girl of 20 but may be very attractive to a woman of 40. Then again a woman of 45 can be very attractive to a man of 30. It all depends.
Our lives and the way we have developed in connection with life-experiences governs to some degree what and who attracts us. Personally, I like long straight blonde hair, but it is as much related to my teenage likings for the blonde singer of Fleetwood Mac or Agnetha from Abba as it is for any other reason. So there may be a link to what we find attractive on an emotional as well as physical level due to to the early connections we make.
In modern society, we can all look good and we can look healthy. It is possible to buy image from the local store and we are sophisticated presenters of image through our exposure to the media. But in the end we are in danger of losing a connection to the most basic of instincts, physical match. We can pretend that men and women who seek physical perfection are shallow and outdated, but they are only following their basic instincts. We can disguise and we can pretend and we can plead for others to look at our inner selves first and we can spend months chatting on an Internet dating site to show how nice we are. However in a two minute meeting face to face, we both know whether it will work or not.
Physical matching is not about physical perfection, it is about compatibility. If you are not feeling truly good about yourself when you are about to begin dating then take some time out to take an inventory of yourself and then set about changing a few things. Remember that everything you do in life affecting your appearance should primarily be for yourself but at the same time if you are serious about dating successfully you really should think very seriously about how you look to others. As I have said previously, you may be searching for your perfect partner, but to find them you may well have to try and present yourself as their ideal mate too.
Finally consider this. A survey recently asked what attribute people most associated with being poor and unsuccessful. The top answer was being overweight and the second was smoking.
We are facing a plague of massive proportions, a plague made more sinister because it attacks not only adults but our youth. What is this crisis? It is a pandemic of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) that is encouraged by a message of "safe sex" and an adult population that acts as if self-control and traditional morality are outdated and without value.
Society focuses on the increase in out-of-wedlock and teen births. Meanwhile STDs tear through our youth and adult population at alarming and deadly rates. Pregnancy is seldom fatal (except for aborted babies), but the STDs of today are. They are "not your father's" STDs, which were few and easily cured with penicillin (see sidebar). In the 1960s, syphilis and gonorrhea were the two most prevalent STDs; today, there are more than 20 and some have as many as 80--100 strains. Despite the fitting publicity that the deadly epidemic of human immunodeficiency virus/acquired immune disorder syndrome (HIV/AIDS) commands, according to research at the University of New Mexico, human papilloma virus (HPV), not HIV, is the most common STD transmitted today. What is the magnitude of the problem? According to recent testimony before the House Committee on Energy and Commerce, "Three to four million STDs are contracted yearly by 15- to 19-year-olds, and another five to six million STDs are contracted annually by 20- to 24-year-olds." Perhaps the most tragic aspect of this plague is the role adults play in it. Failures by grown-ups are the primary cause of the pandemic among our youth. Adults are failing our children by promoting a fatal message about sex: both in education and in actions. Youth are allowed to believe that there is such a thing as safe sex outside of marriage and that any sexual practice is acceptable as long as the participants are smiling.
Billboards, TV, magazines, movies, and catalogs promote the message that sex is the way to be cool, to fit in, to solve life's challenges. Today, the initial onset of sexual activity is occurring at younger ages, while couples delay the decision to marry or prefer cohabitation. Dr. Meg Meeker, a pediatrician and author of Epidemic: How Teen Sex Is Killing Our Kids, reports that half of all students in the ninth through twelfth grades have had sexual intercourse. Additionally, the average age for the onset of puberty in girls has dropped from 12 to 10. There are physical and emotional consequences of engaging in sexual activity outside of marriage. Unwed childbearing costs American taxpayers $29 billion a year in social services, lost tax revenue, and the consequences of delinquency and poverty among teenage parents. These teens will enter adulthood disadvantaged and will convey this disadvantage to their children. In 1960, 15 percent of teen births in the United States were out-of-wedlock. More recently, despite the reduction in teen pregnancy, the out-of-wedlock birthrate was 78 percent among teens, according to the National Center for Health Statistics (2000). Meanwhile, the No. 1 indicator of poverty in our nation is single-parent households among 15- to 19-year-olds. Ninety percent of these young people will never attend college. Eighty percent of women who choose to parent while they are teens will live at the poverty level for 10 years or more. Linda Waite, professor of urban sociology at the University of Chicago, and Maggie Gallagher, affiliate scholar at the Institute for American Values, have found that children born to unmarried mothers are more likely to die in infancy. Boys raised in single-parent homes are twice as likely to commit a crime that leads to incarceration by their early thirties. Adolescents raised by single parents or stepfamilies are more likely to engage in sexual intercourse and to be sexually active at an earlier age, according to Dawn M. Upchurch, professor at the UCLA School of Public Health. None of this takes into account the impact of postabortive trauma or the emotional trauma of making tough decisions to allow adoption so that the child will have better opportunities. The data are stark, but the true disaster is the damage wreaked by STDs. A girl is four times more likely to contract an STD than she is to become pregnant. Today, it is likely that a young mother has on average 2.3 STDs. Syphilis, gonorrhea, herpes, chlamydia, hepatitis A and B, HIV, and HPV are the most common. Many of the viral STDs have multiple strains.
STDs: Yesterday and Today
The basic types of organisms responsible for STDs are bacteria, parasites, and viruses. Bacterial diseases are treatable with antibiotics such as penicillin, but the organism often develops a resistance to the antibiotic, complicating treatment. Most parasitic diseases are treatable, but viruses often remain in the host for life. Many produce symptoms with a secondary impact to the host--a reduced immune system, stress, or another infection. There are no known cures for viruses, and many hosts infected with them exhibit no symptoms. In 1960 there were 5 primary STDs: gonorrhea, syphilis, granuloma inguinale, chancroid, and lymphogranuloma venereum. Today there are over 20. Unless otherwise noted, the following figures refer to the United States. Herpes simplex virus (HSV) Types I and II--Genital herpes results from viral infection transmitted through intimate contact with the moist mucous lining of the genitals. Once in the body it remains, and there is no cure. A rash or ulcerations may be exhibited. Genital herpes can be transmitted without the host experiencing symptoms. Only 80 percent of those infected will test positive for the virus. Human papilloma virus (HPV)--HPV is the most commonly transmitted STD. There are between 80 and 100 strains of the virus. Some cause genital warts, but the strains that cause cervical cancer and were recently linked to anal cancer do not produce symptoms in the host. HPV is spread through skin-to-skin contact. Gonorrhea--A bacterial infection, gonorrhea is one of the oldest STDs. Estimates are that over 1 million women are infected with gonorrhea-causing bacteria, which infect the vagina, cervix, urethra, throat, and rectum. The disease is treatable. Syphilis--A chronic disease, syphilis is caused by a bacterial spirochete that bores into the mucous membranes of the mouth or genitals. It is treatable but in the secondary stage is highly contagious, with a rash on the hands that can be transmitted through casual contact. Chlamydia--A bacterial infection, first reported in 1984, chlamydia affects an estimated 3--5 million women annually. It infects the cervix, urethra, throat, and rectum. While treatable, it is highly destructive to the fallopian tubes and can cause infertility or ectopic pregnancies. Human herpes virus 8 (HHV8)--HHV8 is a virus associated with Kaposi's sarcoma, an unusual skin tumor usually found in HIV-infected men. While the virus has been found in the semen of HIV-infected men, its impact is yet to be determined. Trichomoniasis--Caused by Trichomonas vaginalis, a sexually transmitted parasite, trichomoniasis affects approximately 5 million people annually. HIV/AIDS--Acquired immune deficiency syndrome is caused by the human immunodeficiency virus. An HIV infection weakens the body's immune system and increases the body's vulnerability to many infections as well as the development of certain cancers. AIDS is one of the most frightening of the STDs because it is the most uniformly fatal of the group. Hepatitis A, B, C*, D*--These viruses cause inflammation of the liver and can lead to cirrhosis, liver failure, and liver cancer. The B virus form is transmitted through sexual intimacy in about 30 percent of the cases. The C form is spread mainly through blood contact, although it has been spread through semen. Chancroid--One of the older bacterial STDs, chancroid is usually diagnosed through a culture of the ulcer. It must be distinguished from syphilis or herpes. All partners should be treated whether or not the ulcer was present at the time of exposure. Lymphogranuloma venereum--Caused by a type of chlamydia, this disease affects the genitals, anus, or rectum. Another strain of the bacteria affects the urethra and can coexist with the former. Both are treatable with an oral antibiotic. Donovanosis (granuloma inguinale)--A chronic bacterial infection of the genitals that is found in tropical areas, donovanosis can cause severe complications if left untreated. Molluscum contagiosum--A common noncancerous skin growth, molluscum is caused by a viral infection in the top layers of the skin. The growths are similar to warts but are caused by a different virus. The virus and growths are easily spread by skin contact. Ureaplasma urealyticum--A bacterial infection, generally asymptomatic in nature, ureaplasma is sexually transmitted between partners. The bacteria can survive undetected in the reproductive tract for many years, until a patient is specifically tested for the infection. Although generally asymptomatic, ureaplasma can lead to fertility problems including tubal disease, recurrent miscarriages, decreased sperm motility and count, and poor postcoital tests. Shigellosis* and salmonellosis*--These bacterial infections cause diarrhea and are spread through contamination from the stool or soiled fingers of one person to the mouth of another. These are STDs common among men having sex with men. Cytomegalovirus*--An asymptomatic disease, cytomegalovirus is caused by a virus that usually remains dormant in the body for life. Severe impairment of the immune system by medication or disease reactivates it. Infectious CMV may be shed in the bodily fluids of any infected person and thus may be found in urine, saliva, blood, tears, semen, and breast milk. Giardiasis*--A diarrheal illness, giardiasis is caused by a one-celled, microscopic parasite that lives in the intestines of people and animals and is passed in the stool. The parasite is protected by an outer shell that allows it to survive outside the body for long periods. Giardiasis is more common at present among homosexuals, as it may be spread through oral-anal sexual contact. Amoebiasis*--Caused by a one-celled parasite, amoebiasis is most commonly found in Mexico, South America, India, and South and West Africa. The parasite is harbored in the human intestinal tract and is passed along by contamination of food and water or by anal or anal/oral sex. Bacterial vaginosis*--The condition is caused by excessive bacteria that may normally be present in the vagina. It is not clear whether it is sexually transmitted, but it is associated with other sexually transmitted diseases. Bacterial vaginosis is more common in women with multiple sexual partners, and it often develops soon after intercourse with a new partner. The disorder is relatively common among women with female partners, where the condition may be triggered by the insertion of fingers or shared sex toys.
*Sexual transmission occurs but is not the primary mode of transmission.
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