This is a question that almost everyone will ask themselves at some point in their lives, but unfortunately not many people will be able to answer it with a definite "yes" or "no".
We obviously don't know you, so you're the only person who can truly judge if you're ready to have sex.
Having sex for the first time can be a very special experience, but it can also lead to all sorts of complications. Sex without a condom or other form of contraception can result in pregnancy, and if your partner has HIV or a sexually transmitted infection (and you might not always know they do), you can become infected too. There can also be emotional consequences to having sex with someone – it can really change a relationship, and not always for the better. Sex can be enjoyable with the right person, but it’s very easy to make mistakes and end up hurt, which is why people advise you: "don’t have sex until you’re ready!"
Of course it's all very well saying this, but how do you know when you’re ready? Legally, you aren’t allowed to have sex with anyone until you’re over the age of consent. But it takes more than just being a legal age to make you ready for sex – you need to be emotionally ready too.
We obviously don't know you, so you're the only person who can truly judge if you're ready to have sex. But we can suggest some questions that will hopefully help you to work it out: 1) Are you doing this because YOU want to?
Or are you thinking about having sex because someone else wants you to? Maybe you’re not sure you’re ready, but your partner is keen? Or perhaps there a bit of ‘peer pressure’ – all your friends seem to be having sex, so you feel you should be too?
Do any of the following sound familiar? - “You would if you loved me!” “It’s only natural!” “Everyone else is doing it!” “Don’t you want to make our relationship stronger?” “You’ll have to do it sometime – why not now, with me?” “I'll be gentle, and it'll be really great, I promise!” “I'll only put it in for a second...”
If you recognise any of these phrases, then you should think carefully! These are not the right reasons to have sex. A partner who says things like this is probably trying to put pressure on you and might not really care whether you’re ready or not – this person doesn’t respect your feelings, and they’re probably not the right person to have sex with.
Nor should you have sex just because your friends are saying things like : “You mean you’ve never done it?!?” “I lost it when I was twelve. . .” “Yeah, I’ve had sex loads of times. . . ” “You’re a virgin, you wouldn’t understand. . . ” “No-one’ll be interested in you if they hear you’re frigid.” “It's amazing - you don't know what you're missing!”
It may feel like your friends are all more experienced and knowledgeable, but we guarantee they're probably not! Many of them will only be saying this sort of thing because they think everyone will laugh at them if they admit they’ve never really done anything! Besides, being sexually experienced at a young age doesn’t necessarily make someone mature or sensible - in fact, it usually indicates the opposite.2) Do I know my partner well enough?
If you’ve only just met your partner, haven’t been going out with them very long, or perhaps don’t even really know them, then sex is never going to be a really good experience because there won't be much trust between you. If you've never even kissed the person you're with, then you're definitely not ready to have sex with them!
Sex can leave you feeling very vulnerable afterwards in a way you might not be prepared for, so it’s better to be with someone that you know is likely to be sticking around. Usually, you’ll have better sex with someone you know really well, are comfortable with, and who you can talk to openly about relationships and feelings. Sex will be best with someone you love. 3) Is it legal?
The age of consent differs between countries. In most states of the U.S, for instance, it ranges between 16 and 18. In the UK and India it's 16. In Spain, it's 13 while in some Muslim countries, sex is illegal unless you're married. Have a look at our age of consent page to find out exactly what it is where you live.
So why do countries have a legal age for having sex? Because this is the age when the government believes young people are mature enough to handle the responsibilities that come with having sex. All too often people think they are ready when they’re not. Age of consent laws are also designed to prevent older people from taking advantage of children and young teenagers who may not understand the consequences of having sex, or even what sex is. 4) Do I feel comfortable enough with my partner to do this, and to do it sober?
It’s natural to feel a little embarrassed and awkward the first time you have sex with someone because it’s not something you’ve ever done before. Your boyfriend or girlfriend will probably feel the same. But if you don’t trust your partner enough not to laugh at you or you don’t feel you can tell them you’ve never had sex before, then it’s far better to wait until you can.
And if you think you’ll have to drink a lot of alcohol before you do it so you feel relaxed enough, or you only find yourself thinking about having sex when you’re drunk, then that suggests you’re not ready. A lot of people lose their virginity when they’re drunk or on drugs, and then regret it. So if you’re worried that you’re going to be in a situation where you might be tempted to do something you wouldn’t do normally, restrict your drinking, keep off the drugs, or make sure you stick with a sober friend who can look after you! Have a look at our drink, drugs and sex page for more information. 5) Do I know enough about sex?
Do you know what happens during sex? Do you know how it works, what it's for and how and why a woman can get pregnant? Do you know about sexually transmitted infections? Lots of people worry that they’re going to make a fool of themselves or do something wrong. Well, you shouldn’t have to worry if you’re with a partner who cares about you - (s)he won’t laugh. And if you’re not with a partner who cares, you probably shouldn’t be doing it! Physically, sex is actually quite simple, but the more you know, the more comfortable you’ll feel. Have a look at our teens’ pages for more information. 6) Will I be glad when I’m older that I lost my virginity at the age I am now?
Imagine that you’re looking back at yourself in ten years time. What do you think you’ll think then about how and when you lost your virginity? Is there any way in which you might regret it? The answer should be ‘no’ – if it’s not, you’re probably not yet ready for sex. 7) Can I talk to my partner about this easily?
If you can’t talk about sex, then you’re not ready to have sex. It’s as simple as that. Being honest about how you’re feeling will make it easier for both of you, and will make sex better in the future. 8) Do I know how to have sex safely?
It’s really important that you know how to protect against pregnancy, STIs and HIV. Again, this is something you need to talk to your boyfriend or girlfriend about before the event, so you’re both okay about what you’re going to use. Have a look on our teens’ contraception options page for more details.
Especially with things like condoms, it’s good to have a bit of practise putting them on, and to feel okay about doing it – it’s not enough just to get a condom if you’re not confident enough to use it – they’re no good if they stay in your pocket the whole time! 9) Do we both want to do this?
You may decide that you are ready to have sex, but it might be that your partner isn’t, even if they have had sexual partners before. For sex to work, you both have to be willing to do it. Don’t ever pressure anyone to have sex if they’re not sure – this is very wrong, and it’ll cost you your partner’s respect and the respect of other people.
Also - there’s a fine line between pressuring someone to have sex and forcing someone to have sex – if you put too much pressure on someone, it can become force – and if you force someone into sex, you can be prosecuted for rape. 10) Does sex fit in with my/their personal beliefs?
It may be that you, your partner or your family have beliefs that say sex at a young age (or before marriage) is wrong. Do you feel comfortable going against these views? Will it cause you unnecessary worry and guilt if you do (or frustration and heartbreak if you don’t!)? Some young people will have sex simply because their family has banned them from doing so, even if they don't realise that this is the reason. Having sex as an act of rebellion may feel great at the time, but if anything goes wrong, you face a very difficult situation, as you may not be able to rely on your family's support.
Even if everything goes well, keeping sex (and all the emotions that go with it) a secret can be very hard – so, if possible, you should make sure you have someone else to talk to that you can trust to keep it to themselves. But remember, the decision to have sex should be an agreement between you and your partner, and while other people may help or influence your decision, they shouldn’t make it for you.
So, how did you do? If you answered “Yes!” to all ten of these questions, then you’re probably pretty much ready, as long as BOTH of you feel okay about it.
If you didn’t, then there’re probably some issues you need to work through first, because all of these questions are important.
First time sex is always going to be scary whatever age you are when you have it. It can sometimes seem like losing your virginity is the most important thing in the world. But you can’t get your virginity back once it's gone, so what is really important is that you have enough respect for yourself to wait until you’re truly ready, and can truly trust the person you’re with.
Good luck, have fun, and stay safe!
VIRGO - The Perfectionist Dominant in relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word. Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard to please. Harsh. Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic.
SCORPIO - The Intense One Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hardworking. Great kisser. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional.
LIBRA - The Harmonizer Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible.
ARIES - The Daredevil Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge. EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse (easily angered). Lively, passionate, and sharp wit. Outgoing. Lose interest quickly, easily bored. Egotistical. Courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic.
AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality.
GEMINI - The Chatterbox Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable but needs to express themselves. Argumentative and outspoken. Likes change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent, but is only changeable. Beautiful physically and mentally.
LEO - The Boss Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Like boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Bossy. Like to help others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted. Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. Doing the right thing is important to Leos. Attractive.
CANCER - The Protector Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome. Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic.
PISCES - The Dreamer Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative. May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details. Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser. Beautiful.
CAPRICORN - The Go-Getter Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be good-looking. Humorous and funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimists. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be unfriendly at times. Hold grudges. Like competition. Get what they want.
TAURUS - The Enduring One Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings who are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous.
SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome). Indulges self. Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like rules. Sometimes hypocritical. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes. Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful inside and out.
Once you have opened Below are true descriptions of zodiac signs.
Society focuses on the increase in out-of-wedlock and teen births. Meanwhile STDs tear through our youth and adult population at alarming and deadly rates. Pregnancy is seldom fatal (except for aborted babies), but the STDs of today are. They are "not your father's" STDs, which were few and easily cured with penicillin (see sidebar). In the 1960s, syphilis and gonorrhea were the two most prevalent STDs; today, there are more than 20 and some have as many as 80--100 strains. Despite the fitting publicity that the deadly epidemic of human immunodeficiency virus/acquired immune disorder syndrome (HIV/AIDS) commands, according to research at the University of New Mexico, human papilloma virus (HPV), not HIV, is the most common STD transmitted today. What is the magnitude of the problem? According to recent testimony before the House Committee on Energy and Commerce, "Three to four million STDs are contracted yearly by 15- to 19-year-olds, and another five to six million STDs are contracted annually by 20- to 24-year-olds." Perhaps the most tragic aspect of this plague is the role adults play in it. Failures by grown-ups are the primary cause of the pandemic among our youth. Adults are failing our children by promoting a fatal message about sex: both in education and in actions. Youth are allowed to believe that there is such a thing as safe sex outside of marriage and that any sexual practice is acceptable as long as the participants are smiling.
Billboards, TV, magazines, movies, and catalogs promote the message that sex is the way to be cool, to fit in, to solve life's challenges. Today, the initial onset of sexual activity is occurring at younger ages, while couples delay the decision to marry or prefer cohabitation. Dr. Meg Meeker, a pediatrician and author of Epidemic: How Teen Sex Is Killing Our Kids, reports that half of all students in the ninth through twelfth grades have had sexual intercourse. Additionally, the average age for the onset of puberty in girls has dropped from 12 to 10. There are physical and emotional consequences of engaging in sexual activity outside of marriage. Unwed childbearing costs American taxpayers $29 billion a year in social services, lost tax revenue, and the consequences of delinquency and poverty among teenage parents. These teens will enter adulthood disadvantaged and will convey this disadvantage to their children. In 1960, 15 percent of teen births in the United States were out-of-wedlock. More recently, despite the reduction in teen pregnancy, the out-of-wedlock birthrate was 78 percent among teens, according to the National Center for Health Statistics (2000). Meanwhile, the No. 1 indicator of poverty in our nation is single-parent households among 15- to 19-year-olds. Ninety percent of these young people will never attend college. Eighty percent of women who choose to parent while they are teens will live at the poverty level for 10 years or more. Linda Waite, professor of urban sociology at the University of Chicago, and Maggie Gallagher, affiliate scholar at the Institute for American Values, have found that children born to unmarried mothers are more likely to die in infancy. Boys raised in single-parent homes are twice as likely to commit a crime that leads to incarceration by their early thirties. Adolescents raised by single parents or stepfamilies are more likely to engage in sexual intercourse and to be sexually active at an earlier age, according to Dawn M. Upchurch, professor at the UCLA School of Public Health. None of this takes into account the impact of postabortive trauma or the emotional trauma of making tough decisions to allow adoption so that the child will have better opportunities. The data are stark, but the true disaster is the damage wreaked by STDs. A girl is four times more likely to contract an STD than she is to become pregnant. Today, it is likely that a young mother has on average 2.3 STDs. Syphilis, gonorrhea, herpes, chlamydia, hepatitis A and B, HIV, and HPV are the most common. Many of the viral STDs have multiple strains.
STDs: Yesterday and Today
The basic types of organisms responsible for STDs are bacteria, parasites, and viruses. Bacterial diseases are treatable with antibiotics such as penicillin, but the organism often develops a resistance to the antibiotic, complicating treatment. Most parasitic diseases are treatable, but viruses often remain in the host for life. Many produce symptoms with a secondary impact to the host--a reduced immune system, stress, or another infection. There are no known cures for viruses, and many hosts infected with them exhibit no symptoms. In 1960 there were 5 primary STDs: gonorrhea, syphilis, granuloma inguinale, chancroid, and lymphogranuloma venereum. Today there are over 20. Unless otherwise noted, the following figures refer to the United States. Herpes simplex virus (HSV) Types I and II--Genital herpes results from viral infection transmitted through intimate contact with the moist mucous lining of the genitals. Once in the body it remains, and there is no cure. A rash or ulcerations may be exhibited. Genital herpes can be transmitted without the host experiencing symptoms. Only 80 percent of those infected will test positive for the virus. Human papilloma virus (HPV)--HPV is the most commonly transmitted STD. There are between 80 and 100 strains of the virus. Some cause genital warts, but the strains that cause cervical cancer and were recently linked to anal cancer do not produce symptoms in the host. HPV is spread through skin-to-skin contact. Gonorrhea--A bacterial infection, gonorrhea is one of the oldest STDs. Estimates are that over 1 million women are infected with gonorrhea-causing bacteria, which infect the vagina, cervix, urethra, throat, and rectum. The disease is treatable. Syphilis--A chronic disease, syphilis is caused by a bacterial spirochete that bores into the mucous membranes of the mouth or genitals. It is treatable but in the secondary stage is highly contagious, with a rash on the hands that can be transmitted through casual contact. Chlamydia--A bacterial infection, first reported in 1984, chlamydia affects an estimated 3--5 million women annually. It infects the cervix, urethra, throat, and rectum. While treatable, it is highly destructive to the fallopian tubes and can cause infertility or ectopic pregnancies. Human herpes virus 8 (HHV8)--HHV8 is a virus associated with Kaposi's sarcoma, an unusual skin tumor usually found in HIV-infected men. While the virus has been found in the semen of HIV-infected men, its impact is yet to be determined. Trichomoniasis--Caused by Trichomonas vaginalis, a sexually transmitted parasite, trichomoniasis affects approximately 5 million people annually. HIV/AIDS--Acquired immune deficiency syndrome is caused by the human immunodeficiency virus. An HIV infection weakens the body's immune system and increases the body's vulnerability to many infections as well as the development of certain cancers. AIDS is one of the most frightening of the STDs because it is the most uniformly fatal of the group. Hepatitis A, B, C*, D*--These viruses cause inflammation of the liver and can lead to cirrhosis, liver failure, and liver cancer. The B virus form is transmitted through sexual intimacy in about 30 percent of the cases. The C form is spread mainly through blood contact, although it has been spread through semen. Chancroid--One of the older bacterial STDs, chancroid is usually diagnosed through a culture of the ulcer. It must be distinguished from syphilis or herpes. All partners should be treated whether or not the ulcer was present at the time of exposure. Lymphogranuloma venereum--Caused by a type of chlamydia, this disease affects the genitals, anus, or rectum. Another strain of the bacteria affects the urethra and can coexist with the former. Both are treatable with an oral antibiotic. Donovanosis (granuloma inguinale)--A chronic bacterial infection of the genitals that is found in tropical areas, donovanosis can cause severe complications if left untreated. Molluscum contagiosum--A common noncancerous skin growth, molluscum is caused by a viral infection in the top layers of the skin. The growths are similar to warts but are caused by a different virus. The virus and growths are easily spread by skin contact. Ureaplasma urealyticum--A bacterial infection, generally asymptomatic in nature, ureaplasma is sexually transmitted between partners. The bacteria can survive undetected in the reproductive tract for many years, until a patient is specifically tested for the infection. Although generally asymptomatic, ureaplasma can lead to fertility problems including tubal disease, recurrent miscarriages, decreased sperm motility and count, and poor postcoital tests. Shigellosis* and salmonellosis*--These bacterial infections cause diarrhea and are spread through contamination from the stool or soiled fingers of one person to the mouth of another. These are STDs common among men having sex with men. Cytomegalovirus*--An asymptomatic disease, cytomegalovirus is caused by a virus that usually remains dormant in the body for life. Severe impairment of the immune system by medication or disease reactivates it. Infectious CMV may be shed in the bodily fluids of any infected person and thus may be found in urine, saliva, blood, tears, semen, and breast milk. Giardiasis*--A diarrheal illness, giardiasis is caused by a one-celled, microscopic parasite that lives in the intestines of people and animals and is passed in the stool. The parasite is protected by an outer shell that allows it to survive outside the body for long periods. Giardiasis is more common at present among homosexuals, as it may be spread through oral-anal sexual contact. Amoebiasis*--Caused by a one-celled parasite, amoebiasis is most commonly found in Mexico, South America, India, and South and West Africa. The parasite is harbored in the human intestinal tract and is passed along by contamination of food and water or by anal or anal/oral sex. Bacterial vaginosis*--The condition is caused by excessive bacteria that may normally be present in the vagina. It is not clear whether it is sexually transmitted, but it is associated with other sexually transmitted diseases. Bacterial vaginosis is more common in women with multiple sexual partners, and it often develops soon after intercourse with a new partner. The disorder is relatively common among women with female partners, where the condition may be triggered by the insertion of fingers or shared sex toys.
*Sexual transmission occurs but is not the primary mode of transmission.
What is a laminaria?
This is a small bit of dehydrated material inserted into the cervix one day in advance. If you have had a laminaria inserted, please go immediatly to a hospital for removal by a physician.
How does the pill work?
There are two types of birth control pills on the market today. The type most commonly used are called combined pills because they contain a combination of two horomoes (a synthetic estrogen and progestin). The other type, which is much less commonly used, contains only progestion.
Combined pills work the following ways:They usually, but not always, prevent ovulation They cause changes in the cervical mucous making it difficult for sperm to reach an egg They change the lining of the uterus in such a way that if the conception occurs, implantation of the newly-conceived human being is hindered The primary purose of the combined pill is to prevent conception. However, if conception occurs, then an early abortion is very likely to take place.
Most women who use the combined pill are probably not aware of its abortive potential. Surely some women would not want to use the Pill if they knew that it can at times, work by causing a very early abortion.
Does the progestin-only pill work the same way?
Pills that contain only progestin (often called "mini-pills") are nto very effective in preventing ovulation. Therefore, they hunder sperm from reaching an egg (contraceptive action), and hinder implantation of a newly conceived human being (abortive action).
What about IUD?
There is little doubt that intrauterine devices (IUD's) work most of the time by causing early abortions. The IUD's primary purpose is to prevent a newly-conceived human being from implanting or remaining implanted in the uterus.
What is Natural Family Planning?
"Natural Family Planning" (NFP) relies upon the wife's understanding of her body's natural functions to determine when during her monthly cycle, she is fertile. Abstinence would be required during this fertile perious to avoide pregnancy. NFP requires no drugs or devices and unlike the Pill and IUS, is 100% medically safe. It is morally acceptable to major religious faiths. Instruction in the use of NFP is available in the Rochester area.
Studies have shown the Sympto-Thermal Method (one form of NFP) to be 99% effective in avoiding pregnancy for those who are motivated and properly instructed. Since NFP involves knowing when the fertile period occurs, it has been used by married couples not only to space their children, but also to help in concieving a child.
What is Chastity?
Chastity is a beautiful virtue in which sexual intimacy is reserved for marriage. Yet it is more than that. it is an attitude and a way of living. Chastity influences the way you dress, look at, talk about, and treat members of the opposite sex.
There are many good and practical reasons for reserving sexual intercourse for marriage: e.g. avoiding the worry of pregnancy, feeling guilty, being used, and contracting sexually transmitted diseases. Most of all, God wants us to reserve sexual intimacy for marriage. We know from the Bible that chastity and modesty are value that God wants us to practice in our lives.
Surley, in our sexually permissive society, practicing chastity may be difficult, but absolutely safe and rewarding.
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