Date Rape What it means? Unlike the common image of a stranger-rapist in a ski mask hiding in the bushes, up to 80% of rapes are committed by someone who the victim knows. Date rape is no different from "regular" rape, except the victim knows her rapist. The crime can be perpetrated by friends, partners, acquaintances, or dates. It's important to remember that it doesn't matter if you know your rapist or not. If it's done without your consent, then it's rape, and it's a felony.
Statistics Somewhere in America, a woman is raped every 2 minutes, according to the U.S. Department of Justice 1 in 4 women are victims of rape or attempted rape 84% of those knew their attacker 57% of the rapes happened while on dates 42% of the victims told no one 38% of the women raped are between the ages of 14 – 17 75 % of the men and 55% of the women involved in date rape had been drinking or taking drugs before the attack occurred.
Rohypnol effects begin within 30 minutes, peak within 2 hours, and last for up to 8 hours or more, depending upon the dosage. Adverse effects include memory impairment, amnesia, drowsiness, visual disturbances, dizziness, impaired motor skills and judgment, slurred speech, confusion, gastrointestinal disturbances, and urinary retention.
Ketamine causes the person to feel as if their mind is "separated" from their body. The drug causes a combination of amnesia and hallucinations. Also, it stops the feeling of pain and lowers the heart rate leading to oxygen starvation to the brain and muscles.
What is date rape? Date rape is when someone you know socially (but not family) makes you have sex when you don’t want to. It could be someone you meet at a party, or someone you love and trust, like your boyfriend.
They might use physical and verbal threats, emotional blackmail, or alcohol and drugs to force or trick you into having sex.
And it’s not just sexual intercourse − it can be oral sex or some other kind of sex. You may even agree to have sex with someone and then decide that you want to stop, but they force you to keep going.
Date rape can happen to women of all ages but young women between 15 and 24 are at highest risk.
While it’s mostly women who are raped, guys can be victims of date rape too. And, as with female victims, guys are usually assaulted by other men.
Sexual assault is a crime … Whoever commits it, or however it happens, sex that you have not freely agreed to is rape. Rape has nothing to do with love − it’s about power and control.
Who commits date rape?Rape is almost entirely committed by men, and almost entirely against women. Women are the victims in 96 percent of reported rape cases.
An attacker may be:your boyfriendan ex-boyfrienda frienda workmatesomeone you’ve just met.
Rape is committed by guys of all ages but the largest group of offenders is between the ages of 17 and 30.
How common is it ? Unfortunately date rape is much more common than you’d believe. Most people think of rape as being committed by a stranger − an attack in a dark alley perhaps − but date rape is actually much more common than rape by a stranger.
Rape is one of the most underreported crimes and because of this it’s difficult to give exact figures.
Date rape is even more hidden because many girls and women who have been raped don’t recognise their experience as a crime − they think that because they knew their attacker it wasn’t actually rape.
Facts and mythsShe says 'no'; but she means 'yes'. Does this sound familiar to you? I'll hear people say all sorts of things about girls and sex - often very hurtful things based on mistaken ideas, or 'myths'.
And when it comes to rape, the myths are very strong and very dangerous, because they excuse rape and blame the victim rather than the attacker.
Here are some of the common myths about date rape and rape in general. What they say ...The truth 'Rapists look evil' Rapists are usually 'ordinary' guys, of all ages and backgrounds 'Rape is committed by strangers in dark alleys' In 80-90% of cases the attacker is known to the victim, and it may occur in your own home 'Nice girls don't get raped' Women of all ages and from all different backgrounds can be the victims of rape 'She was asking for it' Drinking, flirting or dressing in a 'sexy' way is not an invitation for sex 'If he pays for dinner and drinks, she owes him sex' It doesn't matter how much he spends, sex can't be expected as a payback 'Guys can't control their sexual urges' Guys are fully capable of controlling their sexual desires - it's about choice 'Girls cry rape when they didn't enjoy it' 'She didn't scream or fight back, so it wasn't rape' Only 2-7% of rapes reported are false claims (no higher than for any other crime) 'She didn't scream or fight back, so it wasn't rape' Women may be paralysed with fear - rape is rape, regardless of whether there's a struggle 'It's not rape unless she's threatened with a knife or a gun' Many victims are scared of losing their lives and being hurt even when no weapon or obvious physical force is used 'She didn't say no' There are many ways that people say no to sex without using the word 'no' (e.g. 'I've got a boyfriend', 'Let's just go to sleep', 'I'm not sure', 'I'd really like to but …', 'You're not my type', 'You've been drinking', 'I've been drinking', 'I want to be alone', 'Don't touch me', 'I'm not in the mood')
Abuse in relationships Date rape is often part of a wider problem to do with abuse in relationships. Abuse happens when one partner tries to control or hurt the other person. It’s a pattern of behaviour, not just a one-off, and the abuse usually gets worse over time.
There are three main types of abuse in relationships:Emotional abuse − e.g. name-calling, putting you down, stopping you seeing your friends and family, checking what you’re doing all the time, or saying threatening things like ‘I’ll kill myself if you leave me’Physical abuse − e.g. hitting, pushing or punching you, smashing things, or driving dangerously to scare youSexual abuse − e.g. forcing you to have sex of any sort against your will
You might think it’s somehow your fault if the person you’re going out with isn’t treating you well. The abuser might make excuses for their behaviour or ‘blame the victim’, but it’s their responsibility to stop the abuse, not yours.
It’s against the law for your partner or boyfriend (or anybody else) to physically hurt you, threaten you or force you into having sex. You can contact the police and your partner or boyfriend may be charged.Good relationships
In relationships where you both respect each other, you don’t have to agree about everything. To have an argument is part of every healthy relationship, but it’s never OK for one partner to hurt the other person to get their way. Arguments shouldn’t leave you feeling scared or afraid for your safety.
A good relationship is one based on respect for each other. If someone is treating you with respect you feel:free to say ‘no’ to things you don’t want to dosafe and never scaredfree to see friends and family when you wantfree to express your opinions and beliefsfree to change your mindgood about yourselfsupported to make your own decisionsfree to end the relationship if you want.
Many people think that rape 'can't happen to guys.' It's amazing how strong and wrong this belief is in society. Men are supposed to be tough, strong and able to protect themselves. People think that guys can't ever be forced into sex.
Although women are the majority of victims of adult sexual assault, it does happen to guys too. And as with female victims, guys are usually assaulted by other men. Rape is frightening for anyone
Rape is a very frightening experience for anybody. Some of the things mentioned on this site will apply to both male and female victims of sexual assault, such as:shameself-blamehelplessnessfear of not being believed. But it's also different for guys
There are some issues to do with date rape that apply particularly to guys:society doesn't like to admit male rape happensbeing a victim is very hard to handle for guysguys may 'punish themselves' with self-destructive behaviourfor heterosexual men, it may cause some confusion about their sexuality (the truth is you do not 'become gay' as a result of being raped)for gay men, it can lead to self-blame and self-loathing, as if they 'deserved it' for being gay (this is also completely untrue).
Getting help or more informationSexual assault services help both female and male victims of sexual assault. You can talk to a counsellor to get support, ideas and information about what you should do.
There are several websites that deal especially with male sexual assault that you can access for more information - check out the following links. Most of these sites include information on myths and realities, common reactions to sexual assault, issues faced by male victims, tips on how to look after yourself and sections for family and friends.
Girls, guys and sex Sex is everywhere you look these days – on TV, in movies, on the Internet, on billboards, in shops. This means that young people are given all sorts of conflicting messages about sex.
But not all of what you see or hear is helpful. A lot of it emphasises the need to have sex, but doesn’t explain what to do when you are actually doing it.
It doesn’t talk about building good relationships and treating each other with respect. And it doesn’t talk much about the bad things that happen when people are made to have sex against their will.
Sex shouldn’t be about ‘getting what you want’ – it should be about what both of you want, and enjoying what’s happening.
Whether it’s kissing, touching or having sex, it should always be something that you both want to do. If anyone is forced to have sex it becomes sexual assault.
Girls and sex Girls can be put under a lot of pressure to have sex when they don’t really want to. Even when they do want to have sex with a guy, he may force her to do something she doesn’t want to (e.g. oral sex, anal sex).
Sex is meant to be something: you choose to do when you’re ready that makes you (and your partner) feel good that you can interrupt and stop if you want to that is safe from sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy.
Sex is not meant to be something: that is the only way to ‘prove your love’ you feel pressured or forced into you do because ‘everybody else is doing it’ that makes you feel used.
Guys and sex Guys feel a lot of pressure about sex too, but in a different way to girls. There’s an expectation that guys should have sex as soon and as much as possible – if they don’t then they’re not ‘a man’.
There is very little about the real issues, like how to act respectfully to girls, how to have sex that is pleasurable for both of you, and the problems that arise when guys force girls into sex.
This applies no matter how well you know a girl. You might have just met at a party, or you might be in longer-term relationship. Whatever your situation, just remember: It’s always good to talk to each other about sex before proceeding. Kissing or touching doesn’t always have to lead to intercourse. Sex is much more enjoyable for guys (and girls) when each partner feels appreciated and accepted for who they are, not made to feel uncomfortable or inadequate. When girls say ‘no’ they mean it (even though there is a myth that when a girl means ‘no’ really means ‘yes’). You can learn a lot from watching her body language (silence or stillness doesn’t necessarily mean ‘go ahead’ – she might just be too shy to say no). Being drunk or out of it on drugs is no excuse for behaving aggressively or not respecting her wishes. If she’s drunk or out of it, it doesn’t mean she’s ‘fair game’. Pressuring girls into sex is never OK. In fact it’s a crime that you can be charged for (see Sexual rights). If you don’t like how one of your mates is treating his girlfriend or another woman, talk to him about it.
Spotting the warning signs There are a few things you can look out for to avoid ending up in a situation where you don't feel comfortable. Whether you've only recently met the guy or you've been going out for a while, it helps to think about what you want out of the relationship.Going out or going on a date
If you're going on a date or meeting up with somebody you don't know very well, you might like to:go out in a group or on a double date so you can suss him outpay your own way so he doesn't get the wrong idea about you 'owing' him anything (but remember - even if he does pay, you never owe him sex)organise your transport home before you leavetake a mobile phone with yoube careful about inviting him into your house or going to his (most date rapes happen in the home).Trust your gut feelings
Never feel that you have to spend time alone with someone who makes you feel uneasy or uncomfortable. Listen to your instincts and leave situations that you don't feel good about. Don't wait for someone to look out for you or for things to get better, because chances are they won't.Alcohol
Some guys will be really generous and buy you drinks all night, but they might have hidden reasons. Getting a girl drunk is a common way to make her drop her inhibitions.
You may be less able to refuse someone who is making a move on you or pressuring you to do something you don't want to do. It's best to buy your own drinks and to keep an eye on them. Read more about alcohol and drugs.Be choosy about guys
Be careful about who you hang out with. There's no sure way to tell which guys could be dodgy, but watch out for guys who:ignore you or don't really listen to youdo unwanted touching or invade your personal spacewant to control what you do and make decisions for youmake suggestive or crude remarks about women.Know your sexual rights
How often do guys say 'You would if you loved me …'? Sex shouldn't be the only way you can show somebody you love them. And sex is not meant to one-sided – it should be something you both want.
Remember, you have the right to say no, even if you've had sex with him before, and you also have the right to change your mind. It is never OK to force somebody into having sex.
It can be particularly hard to say no to a guy you like – you might enjoy kissing and touching but aren't ready to have sex just yet. It's good to be firm and straightforward about what you do and don't want to do.
In an equal relationship, each person has the right to stop the activity at any time. If he really cares about you he will respect your decision and will not start or continue anything you don't like.Look out for your mates
When you go out in a group to a party, pub or club, look out for each other and make sure that everyone you came with gets home safely. If you're concerned about what a friend is doing, talk to them about it.Break the silence
If you've been forced into sex against your will it is not your fault. It may help to talk to somebody about what happened, like a friend, a trusted adult or a counsellor at a sexual assault service or crisis line. Remember, you're not alone.10 warning signs
1. Being alone with someone you don't know well
2. Not knowing how you're going to get home
3. An instinctive 'bad feeling' about a situation
4. Drinking too much alcohol
5. Accepting drinks from people, particularly if the drink tastes or smells 'funny'
6. Guys who don't listen to you or show respect
7. A guy who insists on coming into your house when he drops you home
8. Unwanted touching by a guy
9. Guys who say 'You would if you loved me …'
10. A friend who's not in control and is being taken advantage of
Spiked drinks'Sure I'll have another – since I'm not paying!' The trend of spiking drinks has become a growing problem in Australia and overseas. Spiking a drink means that it has had some kind of drug added to it, including alcohol.
Drink spiking can happen to girls and guys – it may be used for sexual assault, robbery or as a practical joke or party trick.What are the physical symptoms?
The main sign that you've had a spiked drink is that you feel noticeably drunk more quickly that you would expect. You may also experience:dizziness, feeling light-headed, queasinessdrowsiness, loss of consciousness, confusionwild behaviour, lack of self- controlproblems with coordination.
Many victims of drink spiking describe having blackouts and can't remember what happened to them the next day.What can I do about it?
Drink spiking doesn't mean you should lock yourself up at home and never go out. Girls have the right to party and enjoy themselves just as much as guys. It just means that when you do go out, be aware of things going on around you.Spiking safety tipsOnly accept drinks from people you know and trust.Be suspicious if someone buys you a drink and it's not what you asked forKeep your drink with you, and finish it before you go to the bathroom or onto the dance floorIf someone you don't know offers to buy you a drink, go to the bar with themNever share or exchange drinks with anyoneLook out for your mates – if they seem too drunk or too out of it for what they've had, they may be in dangerIf you decide to go home with someone, introduce them to your friends (or the bar staff or security) and make sure they know others have seen themHelp friends get home safely after a night out, or check they're OK before they leave with anyoneAlways let people you have just met think you have a flatmate or live with other peopleDon't be too quick to trust somebody you don't know – be careful about taking strangers at face valueIf you feel dizzy or light-headed but haven't had much to drink, try to get to safe place with safe people (people you know and trust).Alcohol
Most of the publicity about spiking is about adding chemicals to drinks so that the drinker can be 'knocked out'. This does happen, and it can have very serious consequences, but it is actually quite rare.
A much more common 'trick' by far is to add extra alcohol to a drink (e.g. by ordering a double scotch instead of a single) or to give someone a lot of drinks so they lose track of what they've drunk. The use of alcohol and drugs is a major issue in date rape. A 1996 survey found that alcohol had been involved in 44.9 percent of sexual assaults for women 15 years and over.
Alcohol is often used to loosen women up. It can lower your self-control and make you behave in ways you wouldn't normally. You may be less able to refuse someone who's making a move on you or pressuring you to do something you don't want to do.'
It's OK for guys' In our society there are double standards around alcohol and drug use for girls and guys.
If she drinks …she's sexually 'easy' she's sending out confusing messages to guys she may be blamed if she's later raped.
If he drinks …he's 'a man' is allowed to behave badly – 'boys will be boys' he 'didn't know what he was doing' if he assaults a woman.
The fact is nobody ever asks to be raped, regardless of whether they were drinking or not. Just because girls are out enjoying themselves doesn't mean they're sexually available. The responsibility for any sexual assault is always with the attacker.
Remember, sexual assault is a crime.
In Victoria, for example, the law states that a person is unable to consent to sex if they are drunk or on drugs. Consent means free agreement. A woman is unable to give a free agreement to sex if she is drunk or out of it.
How well do you really know him? Date rape often happens when you meet someone for the first time – like at a party. But it also happens with people you know well – even your boyfriend, your husband or a ‘good’ friend.
Try this quiz and see how well you really know him and can trust him. Be truthful in your answers, then check your score.
1. Does he really like you?
a). Yes. He likes me for who I am. b). Well, he seems to like me. c). I wonder what he really thinks of me. d). He’s friendly when he’s just with me, but when his mates are there it’s like I don’t exist.
2. Does he give you freedom?
a). Yes, he lets me be myself. b). Most of the time. c). It’s a tricky issue – I don’t really push it. d). He freaks out if I even talk to a guy.
3. Does he respect you?
a). Yes, he really listens to me. b). Of course he does (I think …). c). I’ve never really thought about it. d). He doesn’t even know what the word means!
4. Does he ever scare you?
a). No, I feel completely safe. b). I don’t think so. c). It’s true, sometimes he does scare me. d). When he gets angry, he’s really dangerous.
5. Can you say ‘no’ to him?
a). Yes! We both respect each other’s limits. b). Most of the time. c). I try to just agree – it’s easier. d). I never say no to him – he’s ‘the boss’.
6. Does he put you down?
a). No. Why would he? b). Occasionally, I suppose. c). Sometimes he embarrasses me in front of my friends or his friends. d). Always! It’s like everything’s my fault.
7. Does he push you to do things you don’t want to do?
a). Never. He respects me. b). I don’t think so. c). Yes, it can be very annoying. d). All the time – but that’s what relationships are all about I suppose.
8. Has he ever forced you to have sex?
a). No. If I say ‘no’, he understands. b). Well, I wouldn’t say ‘forced’ but I don’t always like it. c). Once or twice. d). Whatever he wants, and whenever he wants it, he gets it.Your score
Nearly all As – you know him well and can trust him. Mostly Bs – not a disaster, but he may not be the man you think he is. Mostly Cs – alarm bells should be ringing. Mostly Ds – get out immediately.
Print this out and write down your responses, then check the answers and see your score. For some of the questions more than one answer will be correct.
1. The most common way of spiking drinks is:
a) Adding GHB (gamma hydroxybutyric acid), a colourless and odourless liquid. b) Adding rohypnol, a blue pill often called the ‘date rape drug’. c) Adding extra alcohol, e.g. a double scotch rather than a single scotch. d) Adding Special K (ketamine hydrochloride), a white powder.
2. Many people feel pressure to have sex at a young age. The actual percentage of 16-year-olds who’ve had sex is:
a) 10%. b) 20%. c) 30%. d) 40%.
3. The first thing most people who’ve suffered date rape do is:
a) Tell a friend. b) Tell a family member. c) Confront the person who did it. d) Tell the police.
4. It is date rape if someone:
a) Offers to buy you a drink. b) In the middle of sex you’ve consented to, makes you do something you don’t want to. c) Talks to you in a suggestive way. d) Touches you when you don’t want them to.
5. Date rape happens most to:
a) Women aged 15-18. b) Women aged 19-21. c) Women aged 22-24. d) Guys aged 15-24.
6. Date rape most often happens in:
a) A bar or pub. b) A car. c) Someone’s home (usually yours or theirs). d) A street or alley.
7. The percentage of Australian women who’ve been raped (according to official statistics) is closest to:
a) 5%. b) 10%. c) 20%. d) 30%.
8. Good ways to avoid getting your drink spiked include:
a) Never have alcoholic drinks. b) Never leave your drink unattended. c) Accompany anyone who offers to buy you a drink to the bar. d) Always carry a drink spiking test kit.
9. The most common feeling of someone who’s been raped is:
a) Anger. b) Shame. c) Helplessness. d) Fear. ANSWERS to ‘ Date rape quiz – the facts’
1. Correct answer is (c). The others are sometimes used in date rape (and get a lot of publicity) but extra alcohol is by far the most common.
2. Correct answer is (b). About 20% of 16 year olds have had sex.
3. Both (a) and (b) are correct. (d) is also common but not usually as a first option. (c) is very uncommon, and not recommended.
4. Correct answer is (b), though (d) is also acceptable as your answer.
5. Correct answer is (a) or (b), at least as far as the statistics available are concerned.
6. Correct answer is (c). Usually the actual rape occurs in someone’s home.
7. Correct answer is (c). Shocking, isn’t it?
8. Both (b) and (c) are correct. (a) is wrong because it’s quite possible for someone to spike your mineral water or other non-alcoholic drink. (d) is wrong because there’s no such thing as a drink spiking test kit!
9. All of these answers are correct – there is no ‘right’ way to feel after date rape. Whatever someone feels, that’s to be expected and not put down. Your score
1-3 – You need to get informed about this important issue. 4-6 – Not bad but it would be better to know more. 7-9 – Very good. You’re taking control of your own life by being informed.
1. Most people who are raped are raped by someone they know. True / False
2. It’s only legally defined as rape if there is sexual penetration. True / False
3. Date rape refers only to rape committed by a person you’ve just met (e.g. at a party). True / False
4. Girls, not guys, are responsible for consenting to sex. True / False
5. It’s possible for a guy to rape his girlfriend. True / False
6. Date rape only happens to women. True / False
7. Girls who’ve been raped shouldn’t tell anyone or they’ll get a bad reputation. True / False
8. It’s OK for girls to dress sexy. True / False
9. Once a guy gets ‘turned on’ he can’t stop. True / False
10. When a girls says no she means it. True / False
11. Being pressured into having sex when you don’t want to is OK if you’ve been going out for a while. True / False
12. Girls who’ve been raped get over it quickly. True / False
13. If a guy uses a condom it isn’t rape. True / False
14. Alcohol is the most common date rape drug. True / False
15. If a guy buys a girl dinner, she ‘owes him’ sex. True / False ANSWERS to ‘Date rape – true or false?’
1. True – a staggering 90% of people are raped by someone they know.
2. False – rape includes many other sexual acts (e.g. oral sex, unwanted touching up).
3. False – it can happen in longer-term relationships as well, or be committed by people you’ve known for a long time (e.g. a friend of the family).
4. False – both partners need agree to have sex together. Also, a girl shouldn’t have to be the one who says no – and guys can say no too.
5. True – it’s entirely possible and does happen. Just because you’re going out with someone doesn’t mean they can have sex with you against your will.
6. False – it happens to guys as well. It is thought that about 5% of all date rape happens to guys.
7. False – Telling someone is a normal thing to do, and nobody gets a bad reputation for being raped.
8. True – Of course it is. Sex is natural and being sexy is fine. Getting the wrong message and raping someone is not.
9. False – It’s easy and natural to get aroused by someone else, but it’s controllable. It is no excuse for raping someone.
10. True – It’s hard enough for many girls to be confident enough to say no in the first place. If they say it, they really do mean it.
11. False – No matter how long you’ve been in a relationship with someone it’s never OK to be pressured into having sex against your will.
12. False – Nobody gets over rape quickly, but there are many ways to deal with it over time.
13. False – If sex is against one’s will, it is rape. Wearing a condom or not makes no difference.
14. True – Slipping drugs into drinks does happen but it’s rare compared to adding extra alcohol or giving someone more drinks than they realise.
15. False – She doesn’t owe him sex at all. If the dinner went well, then things may develop or they may not, but whatever happens must be with the agreement of both people. Your score
1-4. You need to wake up. 5-8. You’ve got an idea but you should get more informed. 9-12. Not bad. Keep learning. 13-15. Excellent. You obviously keep your eyes open.
How communities can act against date rape Date rape is a real problem in our society. A lot of people think that rape is pretty rare, that it only happens to certain types of girls and is usually committed by disturbed ‘psychos’.
The truth is it can happen to anybody and most rape victims know their attacker – and that’s what date rape is.
Rape happens to people you know and care about: family members, girlfriends and friends. It’s not just something that goes on between two people – it impacts on their wider network as well.
Sexual assault is a problem that won’t disappear unless the whole community addresses it.
Here are some examples of what communities just like yours have done to deal with the issues of date rape, drink spiking and sexual assault. If you think your community should get involved in a project like these, see the ‘For more information’ section for contact details. Students raising awareness about date rape
In Wollongong , an event called ‘Big Brother Hits the Gong’ was organised with the help of student representatives from several high schools in the area. The aim was to raise young people’s awareness about date rape and spiked drinks.
Around 200 Year 9 and 10 students from different high schools attended. The guest speaker for the day was Peter Corbet, winner of the second Big Brother TV series and a Wollongong local.
Drama students from Figtree High School roleplayed a party situation which covered the issues of gender inequity and sexual assault. They used the roleplay to get people talking about the issues as a group.
People then went off into smaller groups to share ideas about what they could do in their own schools to inform other young people about date rape and spiked drinks. A community campaign about drink spiking
The ‘Don’t Get Spiked’ Awareness Campaign aimed to provide info on spiked drinks to young people by displaying posters in pubs, clubs and backpacker hostels.
As part of the campaign a youth conference and peer education weekend was organised by the Manly Youth Council. Both guys and girls participated in the weekend and the issues talked about included date rape, spiked drinks and violence in relationships.
Some of the participants went on to do surveys in local pubs and under-age venues, to find out about what people knew about drink spiking. T
he results of the survey will be used to work out ways to improve young people’s understanding of drink spiking and what they can do to protect themselves.
Samantha’s story My situation is a tough one. I met him through one of my colleagues from work. We went out a few times and got on pretty well. We decided we would have sex next time we met – I let him know I only wanted to do it using a condom.
When the time came to put the condom on, though, he said he didn’t want to – I said “well let’s not go there then, we can just keep doing what we were doing”. But he got angry and said that I couldn’t stop him. He forced himself on me anyway. I was so upset, as soon as he was finished I got dressed and went home straight away.
I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t want to make a formal complaint to the police but wanted to let someone know and see what they could do. I knew it was rape. So I called the police. They came over and talked to me and we had an informal discussion – they said I didn’t have to report it formally and called it ‘blind reporting’.
I decided not to go ahead with a formal complaint – it’s just so hard to prove in a situation like that – but they said they could put the details on a database even though they couldn’t act on it in any way. Even though he wasn’t punished for what he did I’m glad I talk to the police at least, and they were pretty nice to me.
But it’ll take a while to get over it, to trust again … Azeeza’s story
I went to a party with Bill, a friend I grew up with. We met some of his friends at the party and everything seemed to be going well. I had a couple of drinks but not that many.
I don’t remember much, but I remember thinking “I feel really out of it” when we were in the taxi on the way home. I woke up in a bed at Bill’s friend’s place. I don’t know how I got there! I felt horrible and really scared and confused. My head was thumping, and my body felt sticky. I knew something had happened. I don’t know how, though. I don’t know if Bill had anything to do with it even!
Somehow I got home. I knew these guys – they were friends of Bill’s, and my family knew their parents too. I didn’t know what to do. I was in a daze and went to my GP. I was worried I’d been raped and might get pregnant, or some disease, and I didn’t know if they’d drugged me cos I knew I hadn’t drunk that much!
My doctor said it’s best not to shower or anything, so he helped me get to the hospital where they did some tests and gave me the morning after pill, and antibiotics in case of infections. I had had sex. I know I didn’t want to or agree to it, but couldn’t remember a lot. They said yes, that’s rape! Tara ’s story
I went out with my boyfriend Jason and we had a huge fight. He got really pissed off and left. I didn’t want to go with him cos I was really angry at him, so I stayed at the party.
Someone came up to me and asked how I was doing, came across all nice and concerned about me. We talked for an hour or so, and then he offered to give me a lift home. I was still messed up in the head about Jason leaving so I said “sure, thanks”. We started in the right direction, but then he took a wrong turn and parked in a dark street – he raped me in the car, it was disgusting. I kept pushing him and telling him to leave me alone but he wouldn’t.
Then he drove me home. I can’t believe it, as if nothing had happened. I was numb. I got in the flat and just cried. It was really late but I needed to talk to someone so I called my girlfriend Sal.
Sal was great. She said “wait there, I’m coming over”. I don’t know how I would have coped without her. She made a few calls for me and then someone from the rape crisis centre suggested we visit the local sexual assault service. There was one at the hospital close to my place, so we went there to talk to them.
I didn’t know how to tell Jason what happened. I didn’t know how he’d respond so I just wouldn’t talk to him anymore, I couldn’t handle telling him. I still haven’t talked to him about it, and I couldn’t face telling the police, but the social worker was really nice. She put into words what I was feeling. I’ve seen her quite a few times, and it’s good to know there’s someone there who understands and doesn’t blame me for the whole thing.
I kept asking “Was it my fault?” and thinking “I shouldn’t have gone with him” and “I was dressed kind of sexy”. But that was cos I wanted to look good for Jason. They never once blamed me, and said it wasn’t about what I did or wore – that lots of women get sexually assaulted when they’re not wearing sexy clothes too. They said he made a play for me and took advantage of me in the worst way. They were great. My sister’s story
My sister Kate was raped. It was so horrible and so unfair. She didn’t know what was going on but she felt sore and abused. She’s got a disability and it was a guy that she’d met at square dancing. He said he was her boyfriend and she was really excited because she wanted a boyfriend. She was OK when he kissed her, but when he wanted to go further and tried to put his hand down her pants, she told him: “No, Mum says not to do this with anyone until I’m married”. He said he could cos he was her boyfriend!
Kate wasn’t saying anything when Mum picked her up, and Mum knew something had happened but she sure didn’t expect that! Mum asked her what happened and she wouldn’t say anything at first – just that she didn’t like the dances anymore and didn’t want to go next week.
I was there when they got home, and she told me. She said she was ashamed cos she did what Mum said she shouldn’t do. She told me she’d said no but he said he had to because he was her boyfriend. Then she just started crying and wouldn’t stop for ages. Mum came in and Kate said I could tell her, so I told Mum and we were so upset for Katie and really shocked.
After a while we called the people who organised the dance – they were shocked too, and couldn’t believe it at first. Then Mum got really angry with them, cos she said they didn’t look after Kate well enough. They apologised and said they’ll help. So they called the police and asked them what to do.
The police came over and talked to Kate and Mum and me, then they called the sexual assault service, who were great. They talked with Kate and got her checked out by a doctor and everything. The guy was charged, but we’re still waiting for the court case – it’ll be really hard, I think, but we don’t want him to get away with it. Talia’s story
I was at a party with some friends from school. This guy in the year above me was always trying to crack onto me, but I thought he was a bit creepy. I don’t know how it happened – he cornered me when I went out to the loo, and raped me behind the women’s toilets. I tried to tell him to stop but he had his hand over my mouth and kept threatening that he’d strangle me if I fought.
After he’d raped me he said “You asked for it, you know you wanted it”, but I didn’t – I hated it and I’d told him that. I can’t believe he could say what he said – he knew what he was doing.
I felt so dirty and ashamed I just went home – didn’t even talk to my friends. My friend Mel called me later that night cos it was weird I left without them, but I couldn’t say anything to her just yet. I told her later and she tried to get me to go to the school counsellor or someone but I just couldn’t face it.
I thought I was going mad. I couldn’t sleep after what had happened, but I was totally exhausted – I was afraid to go to sleep.
After a few weeks my Auntie noticed that I’d changed, I guess, and I told my Auntie about what happened and she spoke to the local Indigenous Health Worker who she knew, and then she contacted the local sexual assault service for me. It was great to hear someone say that it’s not my fault, and to be so understanding about everything.
If it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t have called the police either, since it was some time after the assault. They couldn’t get as much evidence as they would have liked but they still helped me out and found out what they could – they spoke to my friends who were there too. Even though it had been a while and there wasn’t really any physical evidence that they could use, the police still charged him. Dave’s story
I never thought that I could be raped. After all, I am a strong 19-year-old man capable of defending myself.
I met this amazing guy at uni. He was so romantic and always treated me well. He was more sexually experienced than I was, but respectful of my fear of sex. He assured me that I would learn to like it, just as he had.
He started to do things to help me get comfortable. Then one time he just started to have sex with me without my consent. I cried out for him to stop but he kept going. I felt ashamed that I didn’t feel comfortable about sex. It was my fault. But I also felt angry that he didn’t stop when I asked him to.
I told some of my gay friends afterwards but they just teased me and suggested that if I didn’t put out, someone else would. We had sex for several weeks before I talked to a counsellor and realised that I had the right to say no. And the time that I did say no and he continued, that was rape. When I told my boyfriend, he was offended and dumped me.
It took me a long time to recover from it and trust anyone again. But now I know that I can say no when I want to and people have to respect that. I now enjoy having sex again.
Dave’s story is about a gay guy being raped, but remember that heterosexual guys can be raped as well.
Date Rape Drugs and AlcoholYoung adults dance the night away at all-night parties commonly referred to as raves. Although raves may seem like innocent fun, some party-goers bring dangerous substances to these parties. Together, these substances are called club drugs; individually they are sometimes referred to as "G," "Roofies," " Special K," "Acid," or "Ecstasy."
What is it?Rohypnol is a sleeping pill marketed by Roche Pharmaceuticals. On the street it is often call "roofies," "roche," "R-2," "rib" and "rope." The drug is a very potent tranquilizer similar to Valium, but much, much stronger. Rohypnol produces a sedative effect, amnesia, muscle relaxation and a slowing of psychomotor responses. The drug is often distributed on the street in its bubble packaging which makes it appear legitimate and legal. Rohypnol is reportedly sold for $2.00 to $4.00 per tablet.Originally, illicit use of Rohypnol was reported in Europe in the late 1970's. Police sources in Florida and Texas reported first seeing "roofies" in the United States in the early 1990's.
What are the Effects?
The Rohypnol side effects begin approximately 20-30 minutes after taking the drug and peak within two hours. Depending on the dosage, the effects usually last up to 8 hours. Decreased blood pressure Black outsLoss of memory SedationTiredness Muscle relaxationProblems with vision DisorientationDizziness and confusion NauseaNervousness DisinhibitionAggressive behavior Fearlessness
A.K.A. Date Rape Drug
One of the most common abuse patterns is to use Rohypnol as a rape drug. Rohypnol is known as a rape drug because perpetrators reportedly slip it into victim's drinks causing them to blackout. Rohypnol takes away a victim's normal inhibitions, leaving the victim helpless and blocking the memory of a rape or assault.
Only 10 minutes after ingesting Rohypnol, a person may feel dizzy, disoriented, too hot or cold and nauseated. They may also have a difficult time speaking and eventually, the victim will pass out. The person will then have no recollection of the events that occurred.
Mixing "roofies" with alcohol can be more dangerous and may cause respiratory depression, aspiration and possibly death.
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What is it?
Originally developed as an anesthetic, GHB is a naturally occurring 4-carbon molecule sold in powdered, liquid or capsule form. On the street it can be known as: "G," "Liquid X," "Liquid E," "Scoop," "Soap," "Gook," "Grievous Bodily Harm," "Georgia Home Boy," "Natural Sleep-500," "Easy Lay" or "Gamma 10." It usually is tasteless, but may be recognized at times by a salty taste.
GHB was formerly sold by health-food stores and gyms as a sleep aid, anabolic agent, fat burner, enhancer of muscle definition and natural psychedelic. GHB was first synthesized in 1960 by a French researcher. It has been used in Europe as a general anesthetic, a treatment for insomnia and narcolepsy, an aid to childbirth and a treatment for alcoholism and alcohol withdrawal syndrome.
In the last few years it has been gaining popularity as a "recreational" drug offering an alcohol-like, hangover free "high" with possible prosexual effects (disinhibition often occurs and inhibitions are suppressed).
What are the effects?
GHB side effects are usually felt within 5 to 20 minutes after ingestion and they usually last no more than two to three hours. The effects of GHB are unpredictable and very dose-dependent.
Sleep paralysis, agitation, delusions and hallucination have all been reported. Other effects include excessive salivation, decreased gag reflex and vomiting in 30 to 50 percent of users. Dizziness may occur for up to two weeks post ingestion. GHB can cause severe reactions when combined with alcohol, benzodiazepines, opiates, anticonvulsant and allergy remedies.
In November 1990, the Food and Drug Administration issues a warning that GHB can cause seizures, coma, respiratory arrest and death, especially when mixed with alcoholic beverages.
The side effects of GHB are: Abrupt, intense drowsiness Decreased body temperatureVomiting Slower, deep respirationGiddiness, silliness and dizziness Temporary amnesiaInterference with mobility and verbal coherence Diarrhea Semi-consciousness SeizureDecreased heart rate ComaSleep-walking Death
A.K.A. Date Rape Drug
One of the most common abuse patterns of GHB is by rapists slipping the drug into a victim's drink (usually alcohol). Within a few moments, the victim will appear drunk and helpless. Often the perpetrator will become a "good Samaritan" and offer to escort the victim home. When the victim regains consciousness, he or she has no memory of the events.
Sources: Op. Ed. Drug Topics. March 25, 1991 Hubler, S. Los Angeles Times. November 2, 1993 Mamelack, M. Neurosci Biobehavior Rev. 1989 Facts and Comparisons MEDLINE Record Office of National Drug Control Policy, Drugs and Crime Clearinghouse
Alcohol and Rape
Though never an excuse or cause for rape, alcohol can be part of the equation. Alcohol can affect both men and women, but most importantly, it also affects those skills that can protect a person from being involved in a sexual assault. In particular, there are four useful skills and those skills form the word RAPE.
Realize what situations place you in danger of committing rape or being a victim of rape.
Avoid and manage conflicts with partners and intimates.
Perceive clearly what others are doing.
Establish and communicate your desires and limits about sex.
When drinking alcohol, people's thinking can get distorted. Therefore, they can miss important signals such as voice or behavioral changes. They are also less likely to avoid or talk their way out of a conflict.
Communication is very important, but men and women who have been consuming alcohol can be less able to communicate what they want and do not want out of a sexual relationship. The odds that "maybe" or "no" will be interpreted wrongly increase when either party has been drinking.
Some perpetrators may even push others to drink so the victim will be less likely to resist physical or emotional pressure to engage in sexual activity.
Regardless of how much a person drinks, no one is ever justified in forcing sex if the other party resists, says "no," or is under the influence of alcohol.
Also see Sex Under the Influence
Sexual Assault combined with Drugs and Alcohol
The dangers and realities of sexual assault are exacerbated when drugs and alcohol become involved. Alcohol and drugs can inhibit resistance, increase aggression and impair decision-making skills.
Sexual assault and acquaintance rape are types of violence that are most likely to occur in social settings that foster rape-supportive attitudes and norms.
A study published in the Journal of Sex Education and Therapy reported that of those students who had been victims of some type of sexual aggression while in college--from rape to intimidation to illegal restraint--68 percent of their male assailants had been drinking at the time of the attack.
Alcohol and drug use exaggerates problems with misinterpretation of sexual intent and can be used to justify assault. Studies show that many college men believe that alcohol increases arousal and legitimates non consensual aggression. They also report that many college men believe that women who had two or more drinks are more interested than other women in having sex.
Also see: National Sexual Violence Resource Center Sex Under the Influence KSU Women's Center
Sexual Assault Statistics
More 75% of college students who experience unwanted intercourse are under the influence of alcohol or drugs at the time of the incident.
Sixty percent of college women who have acquired sexually transmitted diseases (including AIDS) were under the influence of alcohol at the time they had intercourse.
Between 15 and 30 percent of college women have been the victim of acquaintance rape at some point in their lives.
Two-thirds of rape victims between the ages of 18 and 29 know their attacker and over 60 percent of rapes occur in residences.
Also see: National Sexual Violence Resource Center Sex Under the Influence KSU Women's Center
There are simple steps that can help reduce the risks of a substance-related sexual assault:Do not leave beverages unattended.Do not take any beverages, including alcohol, from someone you do not know well and trust.At a bar or club, accept drinks only from the bartender, waiter or waitress. If someone offers to buy you a drink, go with them to the bar and watch the bartender make your drink.Do not accept open container drinks from anyone. (This includes punch bowls.)Be alert to the behavior of friends. Anyone appearing disproportionately intoxicated in relation to the amount of alcohol they have consumed may have consumed a tampered beverage.Anyone who suspects that they have ingested a tampered drink or sedative-like substance should be taken to a hospital emergency room or should call 911 for an ambulance. Be sure to ask for a urine sample and try to keep a sample of the beverage for analysis.Party in groups, never leave a party without acounting for those you came with and always pre-plan a safe ride home.
Sources: "When Drugs are Used for Rape" a pamphlet produced by DC Rape Crisis Center
Also see: National Sexual Violence Resource Center: drug-facilitated sexual assault
Date Rape Statistics Statistics on Date Rape Somewhere in America, a women is raped every two minutes, according to the U.S. Department of Justice. One in four women are victims of rape or attempted rape, 84 % of those women knew their attacker, 57 % of the rapes have happened while on dates. About 42 % of the victims told no one, 38 % of the women raped are between the ages of 14-17. 75 % of men and 55 % of the women involved in date rape had been drinking or taking drugs before the attack occured. Here are some statistics throughout the years of 1992 and 1996, The National Crime Victimization Survey indicates that for 1992-1993, 92% of rapes were committed by known assailants.1 About half of all rapes and sexual assaults against women are committed by friends and acquaintances, and 26% are by intimate partners.1Risk factors for perpetrating sexual violence include: early sexual experience (both forced and voluntary),6 adherence by men to sex role stereotyping,7,8 negative attitudes of men towards women,6,9,,10,11,12, alcohol consumption,8,13 acceptance of rape myths by men.8,9,12,14,15. The Adult pregnancy rate associated with rape is estimated to be about 4.7 %, this information This information, in conjunction with estimates based on the U.S. Census, suggest that there may be 32,101 annual rape-related pregnancies among American women over the age of 18.17 Non-genital physical injuries occur in approximately 40% of completed rape cases.18 As many as 3% of all rape cases have non-genital injuries requiring overnight hospitalization.19 Victims of rape often manifest long-term symptoms of chronic headaches,18,20fatigue20, sleep disturbance20, recurrent nausea,20 decreased appetite,21 eating disorders,22 menstrual pain,18 sexual dysfunction,23 and suicide attempts.21 In a longitudinal study, sexual assault was found to increase the odds of substance abuse by a factor of 2.5.24. Those are all the statistics that i have read about and wow i am shocked at a lot of it . how much pregnancies are involved, how much the person is associated to their attacker. Why they won't turn their attacker in. well i could understand some of them not wanting to turn their attacker in or not wanting to report the rape. Cause some may be threatened by their attacker that if they report it that they'll come after them and that kind of scares them away from reporting the case. it just makes me sick how cruel and sadistic people are in this world, it saddens me how much women have gone through in this sort of case.
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