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Polyamory is the nonpossessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultanously. Polyamory emphasizes consciously choosing how many partners one wishes to be involved with rather than accepting social norms which dictate loving only one person at a time. Polyamory is an umbrella term which integrates traditional mutipartner relationship terms with more evolved egalitarian terms. Polyamory embraces sexual equality and all sexual orientations towards an expanded circle of spousal intimacy and love. Polyamory is from the root words Poly meaning many and Amour meaning love hence "many loves" or Polyamory. Of course, love itself is a rather ambiguous term, but most polys seem to define it as a serious, intimate, romantic, or less stable, affectionate bond which a person has with another person or group of persons. This bond usually, though not necessarily always, involves sex. Sexualove or eromance are other words which have been coined to describe this kind of love. Other terms often used as synonyms for polyamory are responsible, ethical or intentional non-monogamy.

Polyamory has its own unique multipartner terminology and language. One of the most popular styles of Polyamory is Polyfidelity. Sometimes also called closed group marriage. In Polyfidelity, groups of three or more partners consider themselves essentially married to each other. They usually live together in a single home and share their lives and resources such as married couples do. There may be any combination of males, females and sexual orientations. Polygyny, as it was practiced by the Mormons, is just one example of Polyfidelity. Classically, Polyfidelitous groups are sexually exclusive and do not engage in sexual relations outside the group. However, there are some group marriages which are "open," and which do allow for outside eromances. In the open marriage style relationships in which the members who consider themselves committed life partners nonetheless permit outside, sexual, romantic and loving relationships outside the marriage in a way that is agreed upon by the marital partners.

Some, but by no means all, "intentional communities" follow Polyamorous principles. The residents of the community may think of themselves as all "married" to each other (like the Oneida community in nineteenth century New York State) or not, but all members of the community may be viewed as legitimately available to each other as sexual and/or romantic partners (like the ZEGG community in present-day Germany or Windward in Washington state). Others have found Polyamory through residing in group homes and through coopertive housing living arrangements.

Finally at the less structured end of the spectrum are Intimate Networks. They are informal webs of people with varying levels of interpersonal bonding and commitment who share a belief in open multilateral relationships. Intimate Networks often develop around or among open marriages or open couples. People in Intimate Networks and other Polyamorous relationships sometimes refer to the depth of their relationships as "Primary," "Secondary," and "Tertiary" to describe the varying levels of commitment involved.

Primary Relationships
are the closest relationship type, the person(s) given the most time, energy and priority in a person's life; includes high level of intimacy, attraction and commitment as demonstrated by marriage-level bonding (such as shared life paths, goals, parenting, economics, housing, important values, ongoing emotional support, etc.) Typically includes a desire for a shared lifelong future together.

Secondary Relationships
are close relationship types, by definition they are given less in terms of time, energy and priority in a person's life than any primary relationship. Includes aspects of primary relating, such as sexuality and emotional support but usually involves fewer ongoing commitments as evidenced by fewer shared values, plans or financial/legal involvements. May include a desire for a long term future together.

Tertiary Relationships are relationships which may include emotional support or sexuality on a one-time or highly erratic schedule. Attention or energy is given in bursts but the relationship(s) is not a consistent part of one's life.

Most Polyamorists have a "live and let live" attitude. They are happy for those people who have found happiness in monogamous relationships. However, most polyamorists are impressed by the fact that the divorce and adultery statistics indicate that monogamy fails a great deal more than it succeeds. Polyamorists tend to see the modern American nuclear family as an aberration in the course of human history and believe that larger, more complex extended families or tribes have been the natural human family structure. Children are seen as being better off when they have a broad range of adult role models to relate to, instead of a single, monogamously married couple. Polyamorists believe in freedom of choice and consider Polyamory as a viable alternative to monogamy. They acknowledge that real love and a committed relationship is in no way free. Intimate love relationships, whether monogamous or Polyamorous are complex and challenging and their success requires maturity and hard work. Polyamorists, beingoutside the mainstream of our society, are taking on the extra challenge of trying to do something which is unpopular among their monogamous peers. Polyamorists do tend to object to our culture's idealization of monogamy and suppression of alternative lifestyles.

Although non-monogamous behavior is fairly common in our society (singles playing the field, adulterous spouses, remarried divorcees), declared Polyamorists are rather few in number, and they haven't been studied very much. Very unscientific impressions would suggest that Polyamorists tend to be professionals, artists, academics, and other fairly highly educated people, with a rather strong showing from among computer professional or others with computer interests. Interest in science fiction is common among Polyamorists, many of when say they discovered polyamory through the writings of authors like Robert Heinlein, Robert Rimmer and Marion Zimmer Bradley. Polyamorists range through all age groups, genders, and sexual orientations. Religiously there is considerable variety atheists, agnostics, Christians, Jews and a fairly strong showing from Unitarians and Pagans. Fundamentalists of the "moral majority" variety are unlikely be to see at Polyamorous gathering. Politically, there are conservatives, librals, and libertarians. Some people couple their Polyamory with the study of sacred or spiritual sexuality disciplines like tantra or sex magick while others are impatient with such "New Age claptrap" and see their Polyness as a strictly pragmatic, secular matter. Nudism, vegetarianism, ecology, holistic health, and so on are other common, though not universal, interests among Polyamorists. Finally many Polyamorists believe that the present day Polyamory movement will deliver the future relationship models of the next century that so many of the science fiction novelist have written about.

Polyamorists vary a great deal in their attitudes toward casual or recreational sex. Some approve; some (particularly Polyfidelitous relationships) do not. In any case, polyamory is about stable intimate, emotionally committed relationships rather than casual sex. Swinging is defined as recreational sexual activity, also called "sport sex" where partner(s) or participant(s) agree to have casual sex with each other(s). There is usually no emotional involvement. Swingers generally practice recreational sex activities without the development of love, affection or personal intimacy. With polyamory, there is no such restriction, and the intent is to allow such emotional intimacy to exist, develop, and grow between the people involved. Swinging is a form of monogamy in which usually two primary partners agree to have casual sex with other couples or singles. Swingers have their own organizations, newsletters, and contact networks. They are not likely to find much of an interest in Polyamory except by coincidence. The Polyamory and Swing communities are allies under the alternative lifestyles banner. Many swingers have transitioned to Polyamory through their desire to be emotionally committed in a multipartnered relationship.

It's a matter of personal choice what lifestyle you are going to adopt. Some people learn about Polyamory from friends or loved ones or by reading books, either fiction or non-fiction, on Polyamorous themes. Some people belong to religious groups which allow and/or encourage Polyamory. Some come in contact with national or local secular Polyamory organizations. Of course, many people create Polyamory out of their own thoughts and feelings when they first spontaneously discover their own capacity to love multiples.

Polygamy The offense of willfully and knowingly having more than one wife or husband at the same time. The offense of willfully and knowingly entering into a second marriage while validly married to another individual is bigamy.

The Crime

The law in every state prohibits a man or a woman from being married to more than one living person at a time. The crime of having more than one current spouse is called either bigamy (having two spouses) is a subset of the crime of polygamy (having more than one spouse), and the law makes no practical distinction between the two. Even in states that separately criminalize both polygamy and bigamy, either crime is committed when a married person first enters into an unlawful marriage with a second person. However, additional marriages beyond the second would support prosecution for additional criminal counts and possibly a longer sentence.

Most states base their polygamy laws on the Model Penal Code section 230.1, which provides that a person is guilty of the third-degree felony of polygamy if he or she marries or cohabits with more than one spouse at a time in purported exercise of the right of plural marriage. The crime is punishable either by a fine, imprisonment, or both, according to the law of the individual state and the circumstances of the offense. The crime of polygamy is deemed to continue until all Cohabitation with and claim of marriage to more than one spouse terminate. Polygamy laws do not apply to Aliens who are temporarily visiting the United States, provided that polygamy is lawful in their country of origin.

The existence of a valid marriage entered into by the defendant prior to the second valid marriage is an essential element of the offense in every jurisdiction. No particular type of ceremony is required for the first or subsequent marriage before someone can be prosecuted for polygamy. Even persons who satisfy the requirement for a Common-Law Marriage can be prosecuted for entering a subsequent marriage that itself is either another common-law marriage or a traditional marriage.

Cohabitation is not typically a requisite element of the offense. Merely entering into a second marriage with knowledge that one is currently married to another living person will support an indictment for polygamy. An indictment for polygamy will not be found unlawful even if the defendant offers proof that his or her first marriage was a voidable marriage, or one that is valid until annulled. If neither party to a Voidable marriage successfully voids the marriage by obtaining an Annulment, then the remarriage of either constitutes polygamy.

Ordinarily the state in which the polygamous marriage occurred has jurisdiction over prosecution of the crime. Some statutes, however, provide that the accused may be convicted in the state where the polygamous cohabitation takes place, even though the marriage occurred elsewhere. For example, California law provides that "when the second marriage took place out of this state, proof of that fact, accompanied with proof of cohabitation thereafter in this state, is sufficient to sustain the charge." Cal. Pen. Code § 281.

Defenses

Under certain statutes it is not considered polygamous for an individual to remarry after a certain period of time has elapsed during which the former spouse was absent and thought to be dead. For example, California exempts from its law "any person by reason of any former marriage whose husband or wife by such marriage has been absent for five successive years without being known to such person within that time to be living." Cal. Pen. Code § 282. Remarriage before the expiration of the statutory period, however, constitutes polygamy, even if the missing spouse later turns out to be dead, since the first marriage is still regarded as valid until the statutory period lapses.

In some jurisdictions a sincere and reasonable belief that a valid Divorce has been granted is a defense to polygamy. In most jurisdictions, however, it is not a defense. It is sometimes said that polygamy is a strict-liability offense because the prosecution need not prove a criminal intent to obtain a conviction, and defendants may not rely on erroneous legal advice, ignorance, or mistake law as a defense. However, prosecutors are more likely to pursue indictments against persons who knowingly enter into a polygamous marriage than against persons who enter a second marriage under a Good Faith belief that their first marriage has been nullified.

As mentioned above, a person who successfully annuls his or her first marriage before entering a second marriage cannot be prosecuted for polygamy. The same rule applies to persons who successfully have their marriage dissolved by divorce or nullified for any other reason before entering the second marriage. However, a divorce or annulment obtained subsequent to a second polygamous marriage is no defense. Nor will a solemnly held religious belief that it is not unlawful to have more than one spouse serve as a defense to an indictment for polygamy. In affirming the criminal conviction of a Mormon for practicing polygamy, the U.S. Supreme Court rejected the argument that a Utah law prohibiting polygamy violated either the Establishment or Free Exercise Clauses of the First Amendment to the federal Constitution. (Reynolds v. United States, 98 U.S. (8 Otto) 145, 25 L. Ed. 244 (1878).

Origins of Anti-Polygamy Laws

The ban on polygamy originated in English Common Law. In England polygamy was repudiated because it deviated from Christian norms; marriage, it was believed, properly existed only between one man and one woman. In 1866, for example, in the seminal case of Hyde v. Hyde, 1 L.R.-P. & D., an English court remarked that "the law of [England was] … adapted to the Christian marriage, and it is wholly inapplicable to polygamy." During the nineteenth century, English and U.S. law did not recognize polygamous marriage in any form. Only in the late twentieth century has either nation given limited legal recognition to polygamous partners from other countries.

Anti-polygamy laws in the United States also sprang from religious conflict. In the mid-1800s, widespread public hostility arose toward the practice of polygamy by members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, known as Mormons. A small religious sect in the territory of Utah, the Mormons believed that their founder and prophet, Joseph Smith, had a divine revelation in 1843 that called for men to marry more than one woman; in 1852 the church announced that the practice was religiously superior to monogamy. This position angered critics throughout the country, ranging from religious leaders to novelists, editorialists, and particularly politicians. In 1856 the Republican party's first national platform denounced polygamy and Slavery as "those twin relics of barbarism."

Legal controversies over the propriety of prohibiting polygamous marriages persisted in the United States for 150 years and were expected to continue as long as sects within the Mormon religion continued to openly support the practice of plural marriage. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints disavowed polygamy in 1890 and excommunicates those members who practice plural marriage.


POLY DATER'S BILL OF RIGHTS

We the people of United States Of America and All 50 States University, in order to form more enjoyable relationships, establish justice, insure dating tranquility, provide for the common good, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of relationship liberty to ourselves and to other students, do ordain and establish this dater's bill of rights...

1. In self-chosen relationships, we have the right to pursue what we need, what we deserve, and what we are ready for, within mutually consenting boundaries.

2. We have the right to hold attitudes, values and beliefs about relationships and intimacy. We do not have the right to force or expect others to hold the same beliefs and attitudes as ours.

3. We have the right to experience emotions, and to express them. We have the right to expect respect for their expression. We do not have the right to assume what another person is feeling.

4. We have the right to engage in consenting intimacy. We have the right to be responsible for the consequences of our intimacy. We do not have the right to force someone into intimate acts by using pressure, intimidation, exploitation, or violence.

5. We have the right to set sexual limits, and communicate those limits. We have the right to expect acknowledgement and respect for those limits.

6. We have the right to choose consenting partners and to recognize and be responsible for our needs and wants.

7. We have the right to view a person as a person and not a gender symbol. We do not have the right to expect someone to feel or behave in certain ways because of his/her gender.

8. We have the right to relate to each other without blame or guilt. We do not have the right to interpret someone's intentions or consent.

9. We have the right to communicate verbally and non-verbally, and to be responsible for our communications.

10. We have the right to say "NO" to sexual intimacy and to expect respect for this position. We have the right to behave in caring, friendly, exploring ways, and to enjoy relationships that promote mutual consideration and respect.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all people are created equal with certain unalienable rights. That among these rights are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness in enjoying companionship and relationships!

Poly QuestionnaireThis form started to making its way around multiple Poly e-mail list late in the year 2000. We are not sure of the origin of this Questionnaire. It first came to our attention on the UUPoly e-mail list  If you know of the person(s) who created this questionnaire please send us a e-mail. We would love to give the creator(s) recognition for their creation. Also, if anyone knows or has any suggestions that would improve this Poly Questionnaire please help us enhance this wonderful personal tool that other Poly Folks have left us to build on. This Questionnaire is great tool to combine with a Poly Personal Ad.

1. Right now I:

( ) Am

( ) Am Not involved with anyone else.

If so, please indicate numbers. Note, one partner can be included in more than one category. You may attach text explaining your answers if you so choose.

My romantic partners include:

( ) legal spouses,

( ) Lifetime commitments,

( ) parents of my children,

( ) very close, ongoing, emotional relationships,

( ) friends whom it's okay for me to be sexual with,

( ) people whom I'm dating,

( ) people with whom I can indulge in non-mainstream (kink or fetish) sexual activities,

( ) partners of the opposite sex,

( ) partners of my own sex,

( ) live-in partners,

( ) partners with veto power over new relationships,

( ) partners with veto power over ongoing relationships,

( ) partners with whom you will be expected to be romantically or sexually involved, if you get involved with me.

( ) Total partners.

2.. I have :

( ) children.

( ) of them live with me full-time.

3.. Right now, I am interested in:

( ) Friendship

( ) Cuddling/Smooching

( ) Talking (includes ordinary emailing)

( ) Sexy Emails

( ) Sex

( ) Kinky Sex

( ) Starting a Short-term Relationship

( ) Starting a Long-Term Relationship

4.. If things go well, within a few weeks of starting a relationship, I will be interested in:

( ) Friendship

( ) Cuddling/Smooching

( ) Talking (includes ordinary emailing)

( ) Sexy Emails

( ) Sex

( ) Kinky Sex

( ) Group Sex

( ) Starting a long-Term Secondary Relationship.

( ) Starting a Long-Term Primary Relationship.

5.. This relationship won't meet my needs if it doesn't provide or allow for:

( ) Friendship

( ) Cuddling/Smooching

( ) Talking (includes ordinary emailing)

( ) Sexy Emails

( ) Sex

( ) Kinky Sex

( ) Group Sex

( ) Starting a Long-Term Secondary Relationship.

( ) Starting a Long-Term Primary Relationship.

( ) Other - Explain:

6.. If things continue to go well, within a few years I might want to:

( ) Move in together.

( ) Combine economic resources

( ) Have children

( ) Get legally married

( ) Have an open marriage

( ) Purchase a home

( ) Earn a degree

( ) Lifetime Commitment.

( ) Have a multiple (non-legal) marriage.

( ) Other - Explain:

7.. A long-term relationship would not meet my needs unless it provides or allows for:

( ) Moving in together.

( ) Combine economic resources

( ) Having children

( ) Getting legally married

( ) Having an open marriage

( ) Purchasing a home.

( ) Earning a degree.

( ) Lifetime Commitment.

( ) Have a multiple (non-legal) marriage.

( ) Other - Explain:

8.. I am:

( )So het, it's boring.

( )pretty much heterosexual.

( )Bi, with strong het leanings.

( )Bisexual.(Kinsey number between e and pi).

( )Bi, with a stronger attraction for my own sex.

( )pretty much gay/lesbian.

( )exclusively gay.

9.. My sex drive is:

( )out of control/insatiable. A real problem.

( )unusually strong, very hard to resist.

( )healthy, ranging toward high.

( )about average, I guess.

( )a bit below average, usually.

( )something I can keep in check with no problem.

( )so little, I feel like I'm missing out.

10.. For sex, latex is:

( )Required, at least in the beginning,

( )Allowed,

( )Required, in all but my closest relationships.

( )Required, period, unless trying to conceive.

( )Required for some activities but not others.

11.. I'd prefer a Primary relationship:

( )with only one person.

( )with several people, separately.

( )with several people, all together.

12.. I could live with a Primary relationship:

( ) with only one person

( ) with several people, separately

( ) with several people, all together.

13.. I require my primary SOs' [Significant Other's] secondary relationships to be:

( ) people well known to, and close friends with, me.

( ) people I know and who are willing to talk with me.

( ) people who aren't actively hostile to me.

( ) people who are NOT trying to end my relationship.

( ) people my SOs' [Significant Other's] see only with my approval.

( ) people who are likely to become primary partners.

14.. I require my own secondary relationships to be:

( ) people well known to, and close friends with, my primaries.

( ) people known to and who are willing to talk with my primaries.

( ) people who aren't actively hostile to my primaries.

( ) people who are NOT trying to end my primary relationships.

( ) people I see only with my primary SOs' [Significant Other's] approval.

( ) people who are likely to become primary partners.

15.. I have about:

( ) Less than 5

( ) 5-10

( ) 10-15

( ) 15-20

( ) More than 20

hours during the work week that I could spend with a new relationship, not including time spent asleep.

16.. I have about:

( ) Less than 5

( ) 5-10

( ) 10-15

( ) 15-20

( ) 20-30

( ) 30-40

hours during most weekends that I could spend with a new relationship, not including time spent asleep.

17.. Logistical considerations:

( ) I am car-less.

( ) I share a car with someone else.

( ) I am pretty broke right now.

( ) I share a home with someone else.

18.. My phone number is:

( )Good times to call me include:

( )

19.. My email address is:

( )

20.. My religious/spiritual persuasion is:

( )

21.. Gregariousness:

( ) I am a rabid party animal without a leash.

( ) I like to go out and socialize/do stuff, but can be coaxed into staying home.

( ) I'm kind of indolent, but fairly easily coaxed out into the world.

( ) I prefer small gatherings of people known to me.

( ) I'm dead center of the Introversion/Extroversion Scale, or at least I skip rope with the line a lot.

( ) I'm damn sociable for a hermit...sometimes. Mostly I prefer to stay home.

( ) You mean there's a world outside my house? Fancy that!

22.. I am "out" about being poly:

( ) To everyone, and rather vocal about it ( ) To people if it comes up in conversation

( ) With my friends

( ) With my closest non-poly friends

( ) With other polys

( ) With my partners

( ) With my co-workers

( ) With my family

( ) Still in the closet

23.. PDAs [Public Display of Affection] involving secondary partner(s) are acceptable:

( ) Anytime, anywhere

( ) Within the bounds of good taste

( ) With my primary partner(s)

( ) Around other polys

( ) Never

24.. PDAs [Public Display of Affection] involving primary partner(s) are acceptable:

( ) Anytime, anywhere

( ) Within the bounds of good taste

( ) With my secondary partner(s)

( ) Around other polys

( ) Never

================================================================
My primary and I created this "contract" four years ago and have not modified or rescinded it since. We had a big party and invited our friends and family to sign this document (on any page, and with their own comments). This contract may be modified as needed and between as many people as is applicable to your situation.

**********************************

RELATIONSHIP AGREEMENT



The following persons, (XXXX) and (YYYY),
freely enter into this relationship agreement which will begin October, 19xx, extend for a period of one year, and terminate on October, 19xx. We are defining our relationship as a(n): (Open Dyad). At the expiration of this agreement, we may choose to reconfirm or renegotiate our agreement. Or we may choose not to continue our relationship and to part from each other peacefully, respectfully, and as whole and free persons.

(Name)
(Name)


Dated: ,20xx

I freely enter into this contract, choosing to live in the NOW with you and remaining open-hearted to future expansion of our family. We know nothing is guaranteed and "happily ever after" exists only in fairy tales. Love and relationships take conscious, consistent effort to maintain and to flourish.

I am free to make commitments and I accept responsibility for my actions. My freedom comes from the personal expression of my own power. No one can take away my power to be my self. I choose to help empower you, not to own you nor possess you. I choose to love, honor, and respect you.

I will be as truthful and reliable as I can be. I will not agree to do things with you unless I truly want to, yet I will be respectful of, and sensitive to, your needs and feelings. When I want something from you, I will ask clearly, not hint or expect you to read my mind. I will not create expectations in my head concerning you or your actions then blame you for their unfulfillment. I will share my love, joy, and caring with you.

I will never use your words against you nor divulge your private thoughts and actions to others without your consent. I will communicate to you what "privacy" means to me, and I will accept your definition of "privacy" for you. Any actions or words that relate to something the two of us said or did together should be considered private unless we have discussed it and agreed to reveal our actions or thoughts to others.

I will care for you when you are sick or hurt even if it means you want me to do nothing at all for you. I will respect that, in most instances, you know what is best for you, and what you need from me. However, I will not let you purposefully hurt or destroy yourself without attempting to persuade you otherwise. You may count on me for strength and emotional support when you are down and I expect the same of you.

We are separate and unique individuals who choose to enrich and cherish each other. Ultimately, though, only I can choose to be happy or not, fulfilled or not. I am equal to you, not more nor less. I will not compete with you and play "I win, you lose" games. I will enjoy your different qualities and work towards "win-win" situations. I feel proud of you and will not take you for granted. I will accept you as you are and not try to change those aspects of yourself I am uncomfortable with. I will endeavor to keep my mind open and my boundaries flexible. I will support your growth processes. I will not attack you in public or private when something occurs that I don't like. I will instead accept it as a part of who you are and rationally discuss it with you in private in order to more fully understand who you are. I will remember your love and constancy and communicate this to you. I will not judge you against my past relationships, good or bad. Nor will I hold on to issues or grudges. I will enjoy sharing hopes, dreams, and plans for the future with you now.

Our time together has a high priority in my life. I value our time and will make conscious efforts to ensure we have as much time for each other as we need. I also recognize that we need separate and alone time, too. I will respect your right to be apart from me, and I expect you to respect my right to have alone time also. I have friends and interests that are not in common with you; you also have friends and interests not in common with me. I will not be possessive or jealous of your time away from me, recognizing that the fulfillment and joy you receive benefits me as well. I will be open to uncommon experiences with you though. Our careers are also important to us and I will be understanding when job demands temporarily take a high priority in your life; I expect the same from you.

When problems occur, I will work with you to resolve them as soon as possible. When I am upset or conflicted, I will center myself, clarify my feelings, and determine my issues before confronting you. Only then will I approach you to discuss my issues. I will never make threats of breaking our commitments to each other, leaving you, or asking you to leave. I will never intentionally physically harm you nor threaten to. I will not expect either of us to be perfect. Occasionally I will get frustrated and stressed and disappointed, but I will not reject you nor attempt to control your individuality. I accept that I will have times of anger, sadness, fear, and pain and will want your emotional support. I will not feel you are attacking me when you express frustrations or bad feelings.

I use sexual intimacy as a way to express my love and inner self to you. I will not withhold sex to punish you nor use sex to control you. I value our sexual intimacy and will be open to your sexuality and need, as well as my own. I may not agree with every desire you have and I will be open to new experiences. However, I will not do things I am uncomfortable with, nor would I force you to do that which is uncomfortable for you. I will not be intimate with another unless you are comfortable with it. If you feel threatened, I will show you my love and reassure you and listen to you. However, I will not let you control my actions if you have unreasonable fears or a need to have power over me.

I will be responsible for supporting myself, and I will share what I can with you to the best of my abilities. I have personal property and I will respect and care for your personal property, as well as our common property, as if it were my own. I will make agreements with you concerning mutual financial matters. I will not control you with money, nor will I be controlled by your money. I also will consult with you before attempting to change our place of residence.

I commit myself to growing and changing and creating a conscious future with you. I will do my utmost to live up to the spirit of this agreement. We may revise or renegotiate this document as we deem suitable.

Dated: , 20xx

Witnessed by:


Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships, by Tristan Taormino. The Obama Generations contribution to the Polyamory Movement. Ms. Taormino offers a bold new strategy for creating loving, lasting relationships by this relationship expert and bestselling author. Drawing on in-depth interviews with over a hundred women and men, Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships explores the real-life benefits and challenges of all styles of open relationships--from partnered nonmonogamy to solo polyamory. With her refreshingly down-to-earth style and sharp wit, Ms. Taormino offers solutions for making an open relationship work, including tips on dealing with jealousy, negotiating boundaries, finding community, parenting, and time management. Throughout the book are the diverse voices of real people--from a woman with two husbands and a suburban swinger couple to polyamorous parents and a gay male triad--who candidly share their struggles, fears, hopes, and the secrets of their success in open relationships. Opening Up will change the way you think about intimacy--and will help you decide if an open relationship is right for you.

The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt. The book provides the reader with advice and helps for anyone navigating the waters of relationship, and there are very few of us who do not find a storm now and then. The title may have come from some editor who wanted the book to get attention, because the core of the book is good advice on how to work through the problems of any kind of relationship, but particularly "polyamorous" ones. A "Slut" is defined as "a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you." If you view sex like this, and particularly if you are open to the idea that you might have a sexual/loving relationship with more than one person at a time, you should read this book. If you are, or think you might be, a polyamorous person, start here. The book is divided into four parts, plus an excellent bibliography and resource list. Part I focuses on our own relationship with our sexuality, and deals with ethics, values, language, slut skills and slutstyles. It helps us to understand the culture we are in and how that limits our view of sexuality, and provides historical and practical ideas to expand our vision. It serves the proposition that "Great sluts are made, not born".

The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures, by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. For anyone who has ever dreamed of love, sex, and companionship beyond the limits of traditional monogamy, this groundbreaking guide navigates the infinite possibilities that open relationships can offer. Experienced ethical sluts Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy dispel myths and cover all the skills necessary to maintain a successful and responsible polyamorous lifestyle--from self-reflection and honest communication to practicing safe sex and raising a family. Individuals and their partners will learn how to discuss and honor boundaries, resolve conflicts, and to define relationships on their own terms.

Pagan Polyamory: Becoming a Tribe of Hearts, by Raven Kaldera. "The element of air is usually the first element that we call upon in Pagan ritual, because so many cultures mark the beginning of human. Relating polyamory to astrology and the elements (air, fire, water, earth, and spirit), the author addresses all aspects of the polyamorous life, including family life, sexual ethics, emotional issues, proper etiquette, relationship boundaries, and the pros of cons of this lifestyle. Presenting a fascinating peek inside the polyamorous lifestyle from a Pagan perspective, Raven Kaldera offers practical insight and spiritual depth into a vastly misunderstood way of life.

The Polyamory Handbook: A User's Guide, by Peter J. Benson. Pete Benson has decades of experience with polyamory in a variety of forms. He has lived in a quad as well as poly dyads with various polyamorous configurations. He is co-founder of 3 local polyamory groups and has been active at the core of each of these. He has experience leading workshops, polyamory peer support groups, and similar polyamory-related events in local poly groups as well as poly conferences. In this book you'll find guidance about; what polyamory is and is not; communication; conflict resolution and emotional growth; ethical considerations; sexual hygiene; children; wills, discrimination and legal hassles; and more. Whether you are well experienced with polyamory, or new at polyamory or curious about polyamory.

Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless & Hopeful, by Anthony Ravenscroft. Mr. Ravenscroft leaves behind the speculation, the guesswork, and the Utopianism that only confuse the discussion. Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless & Hopeful begins from the absolute basics of intimate relationships, and clearly lays out the pitfalls and problems that await everyone who embarks upon this difficult and highly rewarding way of life. This book is for everyone with any interest in the subject. Whether you're merely curious, or already embroiled in a complex responsibly nonmonogamous life, you will find a greater understanding of what is going on. Even if you are happily married for the rest of your life, you will improve your relationships with the other people in your life.

Polyamory Many Loves: The Poly-Tantric Lovestyle: A Personal Account, by Janet Kira Lessin. Ms. Lessin challenges, delight, satisfy, amuse and entertain you. Join Janet in her juicy journey of sacred sexuality in Polyamory, Many Loves. She explores pair dating, a woman/man/woman threesome, man/woman/man triads, quatrads, networks, and finally, a polyamorous pod. Janet shares her innermost thoughts, feelings, spiritual epiphanies and erotic experiences as she learns the ways of many-lover loving with increasing skill and grace. Her trials and triumphs teach all who would tread the path of polyamory. Janet's amorous experiments lead her to blend All-Chakra Tantra--her variety of sacred loving--with polyamory--relating to contemporaneous multiple lovers. The synthesis Janet creates is the PolyTantric Lovestyle. The polytantric lovestyle heals emotional pain and social separation for individuals, pairs, and groups and will, Janet believes, be therapeutic for the world as well. Janet Kira Lessin, Director & CEO of the World Polyamory Association, the School of Tantra and the World Peace Association leads seminars and conferences on the fields tantra, psychology, relationships and polyamory. Janet and husband Sasha are healers, teachers, relationship counselors and psychotherapists.

Loving More: The Polyfidelity Primer, by Ryam Nearing. The premier how to book in the field of Polyamory. Not only theory and stories but the nuts and bolts of the Polyamory lifestyle. Written by the undeniable leader of the Polyamory movement and Co-Editor of Loving More Magazine. She is the leading authority in the Polyfideltous lovestyle.

Polyamory The New Love without Limits, by Dr. Deborah Anapol. The latest 1997 revised edition of one of the classics in Polyamory literature. Updated and includes new writing. Dr. Anapol is one of the pioneer and leading authorities in the Polyamory lovestyle.

Lesbian Polyfidelity, by Celeste West. This book contains information that can be universally applied to any sexual orientation Polyamorous relationship. Polyamory belongs to all genders and preferences. Enter the world of Polyfidelity allurement, engagement and creativity. A fascinating book for all Polyamorists to read.

Breaking The Barriers to Desire, edited by Kevin Lano & Claire Parry. This British import is a concise blend of personal accounts, advice, theory and history with continental flavor. Glossary, bibliography and resources.

Radical Honesty, by Dr. Brad Blanton. No bullshit advice on how to have lives that work, relationships that are alive and passionate and how to create intimacy where none exists. Brace yourself for a triple espresso to head and heart.

A Legal Guide for Lesbian and Gay Couples, by Attorneys Curry, Clifford and Leonard. This book contains information that can be applied Polyamorous relationships. How to obtain domestic partner benefits, plan for medical emergencies, by property together, provide for each other at death, having and raising children, etc.

The Loving Together Kit, by Attorneys Toni Ihara & Ralph Warner. This book contains information that can be applied Polyamorous relationships. Unmarried and loving together? This book helps protect you legally on matters of property, parenthood, inheritance and other concerns. Tearout agreements and sample forms.

Open Marriage by Nena and George O'Neill. An earlier book from the 1970's. Check in your local used book store.

Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein. A classic science fiction novel which has inspired many Polyamorists. Preferably the version copyright 1961.Check in your local used book store.

Group Marriage, by Joan M. Constantine and Larry L. Constantine, 1973. The Book that launched the modern Polyamory Movement. Out of Print - Collector item, great reference if you can find a copy, check in your local graduate school library. Information is just as timely today as it was in the 70's. ,,

Acronyms
AFAIC As Far As I’m Concerned
AFAIK As Far As I Know
AFAIWC As Far As I Was Concerned
AGDoA A Great Deal of Affection
AKA Also Known As
ARG Alternate Relationship Geometries
BBW Big Beautiful Woman
BDSM Bondage/Discipline/Sadomasochism B&D does not necessarily imply S&M, nor does S&M imply B&D but there is enough overlap and common ground that the two groups are generally lumped together.
BTDT Been There Done That
BTDTMT Been There Done That Major Time
BTW By The Way
BYKT But You Knew That
BYKTA But You Knew That Already
DADT Don’t Ask Don’t Tell
DOMA Defense of Marriage Act
D/s Dominant/submissive relationship, another facet of B&D/S&M type relationships. Some people only do emotional D/s without and B&D or S&M.
EG Evil Grin (Thanks Deb)
EPID Every Person Is Different
FAQ Frequently Asked Questions – a list of information people wish others knew, posed in the form of questions and answers
FF A dyad where both partners are female
FFF A triad with three females, possibly a V centering on the middle female
FFM A triad of a Female, another Female, and a Male, possibly a V centering on the middle female
FMF A triad of a Female, a Male, and another Female, possibly a V centering on the middle male
FMM A triad of a Female, a Male, and another Male, possibly a V centering on the middle male
FWIW For What It’s Worth
FYI For Your Information
G/L/B/T or GLBT Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgendered
GMTA Great Minds Think Alike
HBB Hot Bi-Babe, a term used in wannas by men looking for sex with two women at the same time. It is also used (affectionately) by some poly people who feel that they (or others they know) really are Hot Bi-Babes. This term can be used for either sex.
HNG Horny Net Geek Something resembling a wanna. (Thanks Deb)
HPS High Priestess (a Wiccan/Pagan term not frequently used on this list)
IANAL I Am Not A Lawyer. Often followed by but and some pseudo legal advice.
IIRC If I Recall Correctly
IME In My Experience
IMHO In My Humble Opinion
IMNSHO In My Not So Humble Opinion
IMO In My Opinion
IYO In Your Opinion
IRL In Real Life (see RL)
LDR Long Distance Relationship
LOL Laughing out loud
LMAO Laughing My A** Off
LTNS Long Time No See
MFF A triad with a Male, Female, and another Female, possibly a V centering on the middle female
MFM A triad with a Male, Female, and another Male. Possibly a V centering on the middle female
MMF A triad with a Male, another Male. And a Female, possibly a V centering on the middle male
MMM A triad with three males, possibly a V centering on the middle male
MOTAS Member Of The Appropriate Sex
MOTOS Member Of The Opposite Sex
MOTSS Member of the Same Sex
MPW My Poly Weekend (what happened good or bad over the weekend)
N 4 person relationship. Four people are having sex. Everyone may or may not have met each other or be friends but they know they exist. See Z
NRE New Relationship Energy That lovely euphoria you experience when you become involved with a new love; the world seems brighter, people seem more beautiful and chocolate tastes even better. – (Thanks Llyra)
NTS New Toy Syndrome (see NRE)
ODD Not even. Weird. Strange. Applies to most of us.
OMG Oppressive Majority Group (apparently coined by [roy])
OPW Our Poly Weekend
ORE Old Relationship Energy or the valuable stuff you get from years of digging together
OSO Other Significant Other (coined by Deborah Lipp)
OTOH On The Other Hand
PC Politically Correct, Personal Computer
PDA Public Display of Affection (or Personal Digital Assistant)
PIV Penis In Vagina (a certain type of sex)
PLL Poly Locator List (Phase Locked Loop if you're a geek)
PMR Poly Mixed Relationship, one or more polyamorous, one or more monogamous (coined by Roy 9 June 1997, we’ll see how much it gets used)
PNW Poly NorthWest, I mean Pacific NorthWest
PWP Poly Wanna Potluck, a gathering of polyamorous people for food and conversation
RL Real Life, i.e. not on the computer
ROFL Rolling On Floor Laughing
ROTF Rolling On The Floor
ROTFL Rolling On The Floor Laughing
ROTFLMAO Rolling On The Floor Laughing My A** Off
ROTFLMAOSTC Rolling On The Floor Laughing My A** Off Scaring The Cats
SISL Stranger In A Strange Land – Book by Robert Heinlein
SO Significant Other
SQO Some Quantity Of
SSO Secondary Significant Other
TOCOTOX Too Complicated TO eXplain
TPE Total Power Exchange. A BDSM acronym for a master – slave relationship that includes all of life, not just sex.
TTFN Ta Ta For Now
WRT With Regard To
V A relationship of three people where one person has two partners, but the partners do not have a strong bond. Two dyads having one person in common. The bonding between the people on the ends of the V can vary wildly depending on the people involved. Example, a triad may sexually be a V but emotionally an equal triad. Or a triad may be sexually and emotionally a V where the partners would split if the focus of their relationship left them.
YMMV Your Mileage May Vary or Your Maya May Vary
WEG Wide Evil Grin (Thanks Deb)
Z 4 person relationship. Four people are having sex. Everyone may or may not have met each other or be friends but they know they exist. See N

Glossary!
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Acceptance

Addiction

Adult

Adultery

Adventure

Advice

Affection

Agreement

Alive

Androgynous

Anger

Annoyance

Answer

Apology

Appreciate

Assertion

Assumption

Attachment

Attention

Attitude

Attraction

Avoid

Aware


A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Balance

Begin vb began; begun; beginning 1 : to do the first part of an action : commence 2 : to come into being : arise; also : found 3 : originate, invent; beginner n

bisexual n or adj 1 : possessing characters of or having sexual desire for both sexes 2 : of, relating to, or involving both sexes; bisexual n; bisexuality n

Blame vb blamed; blaming 1 : to find fault with 2 : to hold responsible or responsible for syn censure, denounce, condemn, criticize adj 3 : censure, reproof 4 : responsibility for fault or error syn guilt, fault, culpability, onus; blamable; blameless adj; blamelessly adv blamelessness n

Bondage n : slavery, servitude

Bond n 1 : fetter 2 : a binding or uniting force or tie 3 : an agreement or obligation often made binding by a pledge of money or goods 4 : a person who acts as surety for another 5 : an interest-bearing certificate of public or private indebtedness 6 : the state of goods subject to supervision pending payment of taxes or duties due 7 : to assure payment of duties or taxes on (goods) by giving a bond 8 : to insure against losses caused by the acts 9 : to make or become firmly united as if by bonds

Bore n : a tiresom or annoying person; boredom n : the condition of being bored

Polyamorist Braided Commitment Band n : is a symbol of poly partner's commitment to the poly relationship and family, the band is braided annually on a day set aside to celebrate the poly union

Bright-eyed Novice [BeN] n : a person who has just discovered Polyamory. Handle at your own risk as they tend to date as if eating at a buffet, they are still unaware of the amount of energy and work they will need to make their relationships work and have not yet refined their communication skills. [example of phrase BeN would say? "I love more than one person and I don't care who knows it !"]

Butch n : a female that resembles a male

Butch Queen n : a transvestite that display some male qualities

A B C D E F G H I JK L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


Care

Celebrate

Change

Cherish

Childhood

Child

Civility

Close

Closed Marriage

Closed Group Marriage

Closed Mind

Closed Relationship

Close-Knit

Collaborate

Commitment

Commune

Community

Compersion

Competition

Complacency

Complaint

Cognitive

Condom Commitment

Condom Compact

Conflict

Contact

Control

Conscious Courtship

Conversationconversationally

Cooperative

Counsel

Courting

Couple

Courage

CowboyCreation


Criticism

Cross Dresser

Cruising

Culture


A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


Dating

Defensive

Dependence

Devotion

Diagnosis

Difference

Dike

Discipline

Disclose

Disease

Diversity

Divorce

Dominance

Drag

Drag Queen

Dysfunction

Dysfunctional Relationship

HOME

TOP

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

BOTTOM

Education

Effective

Effort

Eclectic Relationship

Empathy

Eromance

Eros

Erotic

Evaluate

Expanded Family

Exercise

Expectation

Experiment

HOME

TOP

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

BOTTOM

Family

Fantasy

Father

Fear

Feeling

Fidelity

Forgive

Friend

Friends With Benefits

Freak

HOME

TOP

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

BOTTOM

Gay

Generous

Gentle

Grandfather

Gratitude

Grex

Group Marriage

Group Partner

Group Relationship

Guidance

HOME

TOP

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

BOTTOM

Habit

Happiness

Hardship

Harmony

Health

Healthy

Heart

Hermaphrodite

HingeHome

Hippie Hefner n : a male that is a charming mid-life hippie who attempts to create [though may already have done so] a flock of buxom women



Homo

Homosexual

Humankind

Hot Bi Babe [HBB] Humor



Husband

HOME

TOP

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

BOTTOM

In search of Hot Bi Babe [ISO HBB]Inclusive Relationship



Infatuate

Infidelity

Information

Initiative

Integrity

Intentional Family

Interaction

Intersexual

Interest

Intimate

Intimate Network

Intimate Partner

Intimate Relationship

HOME

TOP

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

BOTTOM

Jealousy

Judgment or Judgement

Knowledge

Language

Learning

Lesbian

Limit

Line Marriage

Listen

Living

Lonely

Loss

Love

Lovestyle

HOME

TOP

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

BOTTOM

Man

Marital

Marriage

Mastery

Matrimony

Mixed Relationships

Money

Monogamy

MonosexualMorality



Mother

Multipartner Relationship

Multiple

Multiple Partner

Multiple Relationship

HOME

TOP

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

BOTTOM

Needs

Neglect

Negotiate

New Normal

New Paradigm Relating

New Relationship Energy

Newsletter

Nonmonogamy

Not-so-hot Bi Babe [NSHBB] Notice



Nurture

HOME

TOP

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

BOTTOM

Odd-One-Out Syndrome

Old GreaserOld Paradigm Relating



One True Way Polyamorist Open



Open Marriage

Open Group Marriage

Open Relationship

Opinion

Opposite

HOME

TOP

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

BOTTOM

Parent

Partner

Passion

Pattern

P-cok

Peace

Personal

Perspective

Plan

Play

Plural Marriage

Poly

Polyactivist

Polyamorous

Polyamory

Polyandrous

Polyandry

PolyChildhood 2 :

PolyChild

Polyerocist

Polyeros

PolyFamily

PolyFriend

Polyfriendly

Polyfi Fundamentalist Polyfidelitous



Polyfidelity

Polygamous

Polygamy

Polygynous

Polygyny 2 :

PolyLove

PolyLover

PolyMarriage

PolyPartner

PolyRelationship

Poly Mantra n or v: communicate, communicate, communicate and then communicate some more

Positive

Power

Primary

Primary Partner

Primary Relationship

Principle

Problem

Process

Protest

Psychology

Purpose

HOME

TOP

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

BOTTOM

Quad

Queen

Queer

Queer Friendly

Question a subject for debate;

Rebuild

Reflect

Refuse

Relationship

Relationship Orientation

Remarriage

Renewal

Rescue

Resent

Resignation

Resolution

Respect

Responsibilitysomething for which one is responsible

Ritual

Role

Romance

Romantic

HOME

TOP

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

BOTTOM

Safe Sex

Safer Sex

Safe Sex Circle

Secondary Partner

Secondary Relationship

Secret

Self-Centered

Self-Help

Self-Improvement

Separation

Serial Monogamy

Sex

Sex Negative

Sex Positive

Sexual

Simplicity

Silence

Skeezer Skill



Social

Society

Solitude

Spice

Spirit

Spiritual

Sport Sex

Spouse

Stable

Stage

Standard

Start

Submit

Over

Stepbrother

Stepchild

Stepdaughter

Stepfather

Stepmother

Stepparent

Stepsister

Stepson

Story

Stranger

Stress

Support

Swap

Swing

Swing Club

Swinger

Swinging

Sympathy

Synergy

System

HOME

TOP

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

BOTTOM

Tact

Talk

Trantra

Tertiary

Tertiary Partner

Tertiary Relationship

Therapy

Time

Together

Touch

Tolerance

Traditional Monogamy

Triad

Transgender

Transsexual

Transvestite

Trait

Triangle

Trigger

Trisexual

Trust

HOME

TOP

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

BOTTOM

Uncertainty

Unfaithful

Value valueless

Vee

Vow

Vulnerable

Warmth

Wedding

Wedlock

Wife

Word

Woman

X - Y...... No Words for these letters...yet!

Zee



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